JPEGMAFIA, aka Peggy, is a rapper/producer originally from NY but describes himself as a Baltimore artist. At 13 Peggy moved to the south where he eventually would join the Air Force and serve a 4 year tour in Iraq. Peggy is now an acclaimed artist covered by publications from Pitchfork to Fader and everywhere in between. Oh and if this doesn't work out he'll turn to journalism. TWITTER: @darkskinmanson IG: @jpegmafia The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Today we're joined by JPEGMAFIA. Shot & Edited by: @sirasounds
This week in The Cave we have two of our favorite artists from the Midwest - Smino & Monte Booker. Smino is getting ready to kick off his HOOPTI TOUR starting tomorrow, while Monte is still trying to find his way back to Earth. LA Rapper Buddy (loves kush) makes an appearance as well. HOOPTI Tour tickets available here at: http://zerofatigue.com/ TWITTER: @smino & @montebooker IG: @smino & @montebooker The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave, we are joined by the elegant, charming, inimitable Rico Nasty. She has descended from her bejeweled perch among the immortal souls of Mt. Olympus to join the peasants below and remind us why we all pray to her shrine nightly. Kenny, who just so happens to be a white person of the male gender, assembles an instrumental out of thin, blunt smoke air and the magic begins. Their collaborative album, Anger Management, not to be confused with the 2003 comedy starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson, is set for an April release. Expect emotional purging, guitar shredding, screaming, and KENNYYYYYYYYYYYYYing. TWITTER: @Rico_nastyy IG: @riconasty The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave, we are joined by a man of true character and grit, from the smokestacks of Gary, Indiana: Freddie Gibbs. He regales us with lurid tales of coke-snorting dinner companions and misplaced pussy hairs while Kenny Beats prepares an appropriate instrumental for the occasion. No sooner than Kenny (who against all odds has continued to be a white man from Connecticut) finishes the beat, Gibbs is in the booth tearing down our beloved studio with an effortless freestyle, riffing on a classic Juicy J verse. He then drops the mic in dramatic fashion, not unlike our 44th president at his final White House Correspondents’ Dinner. We as an audience are left feeling blessed, moved, and like we truly learned something today. TWITTER: @FreddieGibbs IG: @FreddieGibbs The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
Zack Fox is on The Cave this week. He is perhaps best known for his work on the Manhattan Project under J. Robert Oppenheimer, his involvement in Supreme Court case Korematsu v. United States, and of course his role as host of Chef’s Table on Netflix. Today he gives us mental illness bars, Gaza bars, dick in Doritos dust bars, among many other pressing and controversial modern issues. He is not afraid to say what needs to be said about dipping his balls in thousand island dressing, despite much opposition and pressure from both the Democratic party and the GOP. “We will not be silenced,” declared a spokesman from his team earlier this week during a press conference. But where would Zack’s mission be without the support of Kenny Beats, who somehow put together a soundscape reminiscent of our lord and savior Jesus Christ crip-walking for three days straight on his way back from crucifixion. It is only through the magic of collaboration between the two that we as members of the audience are welcomed to the proverbial meat show. TWITTER: @ZackFox IG: @ZackFox The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave, we have the illustrious Vince Staples in our presence. And at his behest, the honorable Kenneth Beats III. Kenny, who is definitely and most certainly not a member of any state police force or federal law enforcement agency administered by the Department of Justice, puts together an instrumental of global significance with massive geopolitical implications. Vince then effortlessly dismantles the Kenny Beat and continues on with his life through the exit door of The Cave. The pair behind classic 2018 album FM! does not disappoint, nor would you have ever expected them to. Just another day on the most compelling show on YouTube. TWITTER: @VinceStaples IG: @VinceStaples The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave we have Doja Cat, who left the farm just to bless us with a bubbly freestyle. Leaving her bovine endeavors aside for the day, she asked Kenny to serve up something hard but cute. Like a teddy bear with a gun. Seemingly, nothing is beyond Kenny’s sonic versatility. Just minutes later, Doja got in the booth to give us “put this pussy on his face tattoos” bars, invent a new chest-centric dance, and ask us all to buy her merch. TWITTER: @dojacat IG: @dojacat The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on the Cave we have Texas legend Maxo Kream. After investigating the mysterious attic in the studio, wielding our episode 5 sword, and suggesting that Kenny strap up, Maxo starts his freestyle earlier than anyone on the show so far. As in, before the beat is even made. Kenny himself shows out this time sonically by adding his own voice as an element of the beat. Going above and beyond for the people. And then, before we even get in the booth, a dance-off erupts. But don’t listen to to me, just watch the video, why would you even be reading a YouTube description, we’re all dying and so much sooner than you think. TWITTER: @MaxoKream IG: @MaxoKream The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave we have Lil Yachty and guest producer 30 Roc. And for the first time on the show, we see the artist actually flat out decline the first beat they’re given. We didn’t even know that was an option. But things begin to consolidate when Kenny and 30 cook up a menacing, minimalist haunted house type beat that finally gets Yachty in the right mode. Boat then proceeds to give us more bars than anyone who has ever claimed to not be a rapper before him. But not before announcing the nature of his bowel movements to everyone in the studio. Perhaps that’s the key to generating the right vibe for vocal creativity. See you all in a fortnight! TWITTER: @IAm_30Roc IG: @iam30roc TWITTER: @LilYachty IG: @LilYachty The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
By popular demand but mostly our own intention, Atlanta’s Earth Gang joins the Cave this week. After complaining about the Kenny Beats is white meme being fully eclipsed by the Kenny Beats is the police meme, our host proceeds to make a time machine that transports us back to the year 2003. The beat he makes draws from two completely different sounding songs from that year, Busta Rhymes “Light Your Ass On Fire” and Lumidee’s “Never Leave You”-both reminiscent of a time when a young Kenny fantasized about Jennifer Aniston as he blossomed into puberty. It turns out to be the ideal concoction for the Earth Gang boys to hop on with an effortless one take. Revenge Of The Dreamers III out now! TWITTER: @EarthGang IG: @EarthGang The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
This week on The Cave we have a special guest, very near and dear to the DOTS family. The originator of the “Woah Kenny,” the 777 man, king of the non sequitur and overall legendary artist Key! I’m about to break the fourth wall of this YouTube video description and just say that he and Kenny made the best tape of 2018 and continue to be the rap/producer duo to beat. In this session, we get to watch a version of their process in real time. Key! requests a type of sound, in this case “some New Orleans shit.” We then watch Kenny interpret that with his internal human algorithm and within a few minutes, it has inexplicably materialized as a beat. We even get a history lesson in New Orleans and Texas rap in the mean time. We also get to hear a live recording of the “Woah Kenny” tag, though it never quite hits the original mark (lightning never strikes the same place twice). Then, in one of the rarest moments on this series, we get to hear from 03 Greedo in the middle of Key!’s effortless freestyle. These are the times we will look back on years from now, and think “Oh shit, that really happened. We were really doing something.” And our kids will say, “Shut up, dad” through their brain implant modules. Then we’ll say, “You don’t know anything about music.” Then our kids will say, “What the fuck is music?” and go back to their fleshless digital selves in the cloud where there are no mixtapes, only data. TWITTER: @FATMANKEY IG: @FATMANKEY The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Description by Alex Russell
As devastating as it sounds, we have finally come upon the season finale of The Cave. It was just this past March that we released the first episode of this show, with the intention of showing people some of the personalities and antics that take place daily at Kenny’s illustrious studio. It is meant to serve not only as entertainment, but also as inspiration for those who want to be creative with their friends. For that reason, the feel of this show is intentionally DIY, not slick and over-produced, not over-thought. This was all conceptualized, designed, produced, and edited in-house by the DOTS family. That is all to say, you can do it too, using the people you have around you and tools that are already available. Capping it all off is Florida’s Denzel Curry, who for the first time in show history, brought no one with him. We get an education in the late Ceddy Bu terminology, new instances of the now recurring theme of Kenny ignoring notifications from rappers while at the computer, and one of the most monumental-sounding freestyles we’ve witnessed on the show. Until next time, hope you enjoyed the memorable moments of The Cave at the expense of Kenny’s psychological stability. TWITTER: @DenzelCurry IG: @denzelcurryph The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds
Welcome back to The Cave. The show where rappers make raps and Kenny Beats makes beats. At the end of each episode, we get a completely original track made from scratch. Last season generated some unforgettable performances, revealed some rare studio moments, and even birthed a handful of memes. This time around we hope to deliver some of the same elements that people have come to know and love about this show in its still nascent form, but we also hope to somehow, incomprehensibly, come even harder. Every other week, religiously, we’ll be releasing a brand new episode with a brand new guest. Kicking off this season is Detroit legend Danny Brown. We learn about how Kenny and Danny’s paths crossed for the first time almost a decade ago. We learn about how the real life Pootie Tang saved Danny’s life with a belt. We learn the WiFi network. And by the end, we all learn something about ourselves. TWITTER: @xdannyxbrownx IG: @xdannyxbrownx The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y D.O.T.S Commercial Directed by Alex Russell DP / Editor: Aris Chatman AD: Dylan Johnson Produced by: Ethan Jones, Michael Power, Dom Glover PA/Stunt Coordinator: Carlos Mendoza Sound Guy: Brian Niles Starring: Justin Grant, Mekki Leeper, Zack Fox
This week on The Cave we welcome Atlanta’s 6lack. He’s here not to sing but to rap, bringing capital B Bars to our humble show. Kenny cooks up a New York style, getting money on the block in Brooklyn type beat, inspired by thumbing through all the fake hundreds that have accumulated in the studio. We learn about 6lack’s process, that he hasn’t physically written his music since 2010. We learn about his history with battle rap, and his transition to singing. We learn that with enough time and personal, private effort, anyone could become a vocalist. Just don’t let anyone hear your shit for a while. And finally, we hear one of the most effortless freestyles ever witnessed on this show. So effortless in fact, that after the first few bars, 6lack takes a seat and raps the rest of it on the DOTS couch. By the end, we are left with the overwhelming feeling of having been given more than enough bars. Look out for references to other Cave guests in his verse, and remember: if 6lack says anyone can become a vocalist, and Ratatouille says anyone can cook, you can do anything you want. TWITTER: @6LACK IG: @6LACK The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y
Welcome back to The Cave, where today we are joined by our first guest from across the pond, U.K. legend slowthai. His vibe of choice: a combination of strippers, Scarface, and pasta. Kenny expertly constructs a Nando’s PERi-PERi sauce infused instrumental while slowthai initiates his transcendental, inner-truth-seeking creative process. After a series of advanced meditative techniques, including the ancient Taoist practice known in some rare traditional circles as the “outdoor cigarette and slow kick,” thai was ready to face the booth. His freestyle gives us entry to what English philosopher Aldous Huxley referred to as the doors of perception. Replete with the keys to enlightenment, slowthai’s bars begin to spill over like nectar of the Olympian gods overflowing their amphora vessels. Not long after rejecting the confines of the beat and continuing on into a cappella, our guest is asked to “get out the booth bruh, you’re done,” by which he graciously abides. TWITTER: @slowthai IG: @slowthai The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y D.O.T.S Commercial: Starring: Zack Fox, Mekki Leeper, Justin Grant, Morgan Andersen Directed by Alex Russell DP & Editor: Aris Chatman AD: Dylan Johnson Produced by: Dom Glover, Michael Power, Jamz, Carlos Mendoza Sound: Brian Niles Lighting: Martin Velasquez
Yes, The Cave has historically featured the making of beats and the rappers that rap over those beats, but what is a show without evolution and expansion? Did The Wire not explore a different Baltimore institution with each season? Did Spongebob Squarepants shy away from innovation out of some misplaced sense of fear that in doing so it may alienate its core audience? The answer, as you may have already deduced, is “no.” And in our case, what this all means is that for the first time in our beloved program’s history are we bringing true instrumentation into the creative process. This week’s esteemed guest and former Guitar Center sales associate, Omar Apollo, turns the studio into a veritable jam session by busting out the bass guitar and rigging its output to Kenny’s Ableton grid. What results is something truly new and refreshing. Once Omar’s impromptu bassline is layered among Kenny’s drums, everyone is ready for magic to emerge from the vocal booth. And emerge it does, in angelic fashion. As though not enough firsts had already been achieved at this point in the episode, Omar’s freestyle verse is not only sung, but it is also bilingual. Indeed, The Cave has been rendered an international broadcast. We’re global now. Omar Apollo x Dominic Fike x Kenny Beats - Hit Me Up: https://pxlme.me/Lcqdtm8G TWITTER: @omarapollo IG: @omar.apollo The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y
This week on The Cave, we are joined by Detroit native TeeJayx6. He’s been called many things. Forbes named him “The Frank Abagnale of the SoundCloud generation.” The New Yorker referred to him as “The John Nash of pin numbers.” WIRED crowned him “The Bitcoin Bully.” What he’s done for the scamming community cannot be overstated. His painstakingly thorough yet accessible instructional scamming walk-throughs have democratized the art of credit card fraud, allowing anyone with an internet connection to participate in what has historically been an elitist meritocracy. He’s also pioneered the effort of humanizing swipers worldwide through his music, bringing toward mainstream consciousness a group of people who have been consistently relegated to the fringes of society. Granted, there have been controversies. “Scamming is stealing,” says the establishment. But what is someone like TeeJayx6 supposed to do to get ahead in an economic structure rigged to favor generational wealth? If anything, the U.S. Department of the Treasury owes him a medal for pointing out some pretty gaping holes in our current banking security system. But here at DOTS we recognize our guest not only for his groundbreaking teachings in identity theft, but rather for his unparalleled storytelling ability. And in this episode, we get the privilege of seeing his process firsthand. Kenny is at his best as well, peppering a menacing beat with the sounds of credit card information being typed on a keyboard and ATM menu option beeps. So put on your black Air Force Ones, listen closely, and if you like this video make sure to leave your routing number in the comments. TWITTER: @teejayx6 IG: @teejayx6 The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y
This week on The Cave we have special guest Boogie. As we wait for the magic to begin, we sit with him and Kenny discussing the ethical implications of the all too common Postmates deliver-and-dip practice, wherein a Postmate will come to your location and pretend to have dropped off your food—but by the time you open your door, they’ve disappeared with both your order and their fee. It seems they wanted to have your cake and eat it too. We then get to watch Boogie perform what may be the most unceremonious Futsal Shuffle known to man so far. And finally, once Kenny puts the final polishes on what Boogie requested to be a soulful instrumental, we see our guest give us one of the show’s more laid-back freestyles, concluding of course with a condemnation of runaway Postmates. Hopefully, this country’s judiciary system will eventually pass some consumer protection legislature to regulate these misdeeds more rigorously. TWITTER: @ws_boogie IG: @ws_boogie The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y+@sirasounds Sample from: Jared Scharff @scharffishere
This week on The Cave we’re joined by Detroit icon and best rapper alive, Sada Baby. Unanimously beloved at DOTS, we couldn’t be more appreciative of his appearance on this humble YouTube show. His dance moves are unparalleled in music history, his father-son Nickelback cover duets are enchanting, but today we honor his ability to out-rap everyone else. Kenny cooks up “some heavy 808 type shit” as requested in a matter of minutes, and Sada casually enters the booth. No one knows why he decided to hang the microphone from the ceiling, but legend has it that it would have spontaneously combusted if he were holding it. TWITTER: @skubababy IG: @sadababy The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y+@sirasounds
Today on The Cave we’re joined by Thundercat, legendary musician and cat lover. Upon entrance, he immediately downs three cans of Yerba, which according to the FDA, would incapacitate almost any medium-sized horse. In spite of heart palpitations, music magic is still made. Our guest brings out his legendary bass guitar and plays along to one of the most frenetic, psychotic instrumentals ever made, using his patent-pending gang sign finger techniques. It’s a wild ride, and Kenny does his best to keep things grounded. But by the time we get into the booth, all bets are off. We witness art in its truest form, a man unmoored from the tethers of any earthly nature, struck like lightning with the gift of an ancient, extraterrestrial broadcast. If you listen closely to his freestyle, you can hear the ocean, the meaning of life, and the nuclear codes. TWITTER: @thundercat IG: @thundercatmusic The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y+@sirasounds
Today on The Cave, we are joined by multi-hyphenate creative and celebrated singer Joji. After cycling through some concepts, he eventually lands on a heartfelt tribute to another cave dweller: Fred Flintstone. He takes us back to Bedrock, where he discusses the ethical implications of two of the Stone Age’s most controversial topics. The child mortality rate was through the roof, dinosaurs were being used like disposable napkins, and this TV program was just normalizing these issues to the American public. It certainly makes you think, mostly about just how many anachronisms were being thrown at us in The Flintstones. I mean, wasn’t it enough that The Flintstones reflected modern family issues of the 1960s? Why tell kids that dinosaurs were around during the Stone Age, which was only a few thousand years ago, when the mass extinction of the dinosaurs actually took place over 65 million years ago? But I digress. Joji fleshes out his concept into a poignant ode to Wilma, bemoaning the fading relevance of The Flintstones family, as we are left with only the children’s multivitamin to uphold their illustrious legacy. He mentions the gummies, but real Fred-heads preferred the chalky kind. The song locks together with the essential element of the iconic Fred Flintstone scrambling sound effect, which Kenny slows down to a sexy drum pattern. Then finally, we get Joji in the booth, who lays down what will certainly be the second most popular song about The Flintstones made in the 21st century. Number one, of course, is and always will be “Bedrock” by Young Money, on which Lloyd sings the chorus “Call me Mr. Flintstone/I can make your bed rock.” This is, of course, when Drake famously opened his verse with the words “I love your sushi roll, hotter than wasabi” and then went on to be the biggest rapper of the following decade. But perhaps even more unforgettably, on the same song, Nicki Minaj says “Maybe it’s time to put this pussy on your sideburns.” Deservedly, the song wen
Alright enough of the experimental shit. Enough of the funny art kid shit, we get it. Have you heard of real hip hop? We do that here. We value bars on The Cave. This week, we’re joined by Detroit artist Boldy James and producer legend Alchemist. Unfortunately, Alchemist forgot his flux capacitor at home and his particle accelerator is still undergoing repairs in Geneva. We were hoping he could at least bring in his quantum computer from Zurich...but apparently if it is extracted from the dilution refrigerator and exposed to temperatures above 1 degree Kelvin, you can forget about initializing any kind of meaningful qubit sequence. This is all to say that he could not participate in the beat-making process per se, but he was able to identify the presence of Ron Artest’s spirit in the acoustic panels of the studio walls. Meanwhile Boldy, feeling philanthropic, offers up what we thought would be a four-bar giveaway to one lucky raffle winner. I even entered the sweepstakes myself in sweaty desperation, given the current bar drought wreaking havoc on the environment. Thankfully, when he does enter the booth, we get much more than we were promised, a surplus of bars in fact. And just like in Mad Max: Fury Road, when Immortan Joe releases the water onto the peasants of the desert wasteland below, the bars rain down on us. The Price Of Tea In China is available to stream everywhere. TWITTER: @alchemist / @boldyjames IG: @alanthechemist / @boldyjames The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @em0n33y+@sirasounds
Welcome to the apocalypse. Some of us haven’t seen the sun or taken a breath of fresh air in days. Some of us have stockpiles of toilet paper while others wipe ass with soon to be worthless blue face hundred dollar bills. The streets are eerily empty and consumer retail is grinding to a screeching halt. Those of us fortunate enough to have purchased bulk pizza rolls are living like kings in a savage wasteland of frozen food aisle shortages and grocery store line brawls. I saw a family of four beat a grown man to a pulp over the last box of Uncrustables. I saw a newborn baby selling sanitized automatic rifles at a pop-up shop on Fairfax. In these trying times, it is important to preserve what remains of our humanity and dignity. That’s why this week, The Cave does not stop. What better time than now, while we are all in our self-contained isolation chambers, to provide the people with what is most at stake, most scarce, most sacred: new vibes. We’re joined by Marc Rebillet, king of the stream, master of the live bedroom cook-up. He brought with him his signature taste for piano chords and bass lines, as well the voice of a 450-pound man. Enjoy and be safe everybody. May God have mercy on our souls. TWITTER: @marcrebillet IG: @marcrebillet The Cave is a bi-weekly freestyle series hosted by Kenny Beats featuring a new artist each episode. One 10 minute beat from Kenny, 16-32 bars from a friend, every other week. Shot & Edited by @sirasounds Animations by @sirasounds+@em0n33y
Welcome to Season 3 everyone. It feels so good to be back here in the YouTube description of The Cave. This past year was hard on all of us, and we at DOTS hope to provide a sanctuary from the devastating and overwhelming outside world. The Cave—at its best—aims to be a microcosm of what could be. A place without super spreader disease events, without perpetual war, invulnerable to the climate catastrophe all around us. In the Greek philosopher Plato’s seminal work, Republic, the famous allegory of the cave describes a group of people staring at a wall. These cave dwellers concern themselves with nothing except what’s inside the cave and what’s projected onto that wall. As objects pass through the light of a fire, shadows form on the wall and create their reality. They never leave the cave to find out what lies beyond, nor to realize that the shadows on the wall are not reality but merely a consequence of a larger reality. Philosophers of their time celebrated themselves for reaching out toward the sun, but maybe the cave dwellers were right to stick to what they knew, watching shadow puppets on the wall and chilling by the fire. That sounds better than most outdoor activities. What does this all mean? I don’t know, I don’t even think people read this far into the descriptions. You should be watching the video instead of scrolling this far down, truly. It’s Isaiah Rashad, arguably (actually, there is no argument) the most anticipated guest of this show’s history.
Cave Season 3, Episode 2. Back at it with ¼ Italian Mac DeMarco. We went for sort of a Godfather pt. II theme with this one. The cigar smoke wafted us into an osteria with every pasta shape you could imagine. Fusilli. Orecchiette. Tagliatelle. You name it. The music just developed organically from there. At some point in this video you may wonder: what the fuck am I watching? That’s a great question and I’m so glad you asked. But I don’t know the answer. What I do know is that I’m scared. I’m scared because for the first time, my anonymous identity as YouTube description author was almost compromised in this episode. I might as well get ahead of it so yes, I confess: I’ve been living in the attic of The Cave now for several months unbeknownst to Kenny or any of the show’s guests. I don’t take up much space, nor do I make much of a mess up there, so I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. I make my little meals every day, blow big gas (second hand from downstairs mostly), and I spend weeks at a time writing these YouTube descriptions. It’s my only creative outlet and it’s sacred to me. Rent in Los Angeles is steep as ever, and DOTS only pays me 15k per description. I need to cut costs somewhere.
Welcome back to the Cave. I’ve been living in the attic of Kenny’s studio now for several months. I think this is week 15. It’s hard to tell at this point. The days are running together. I’ve been surviving off Yerba Mate and Wingstop leftovers that I occasionally find on the studio floor at night. I feel like the SoundCloud Fantastic Mr. Fox. I make my moves swiftly and strategically, only when I know Kenny won’t be around to see. Sometimes I think he knows I’m up here and is just biding his time, waiting until the perfect moment to strike me with a vintage synthesizer. Occasionally, when he’s downstairs making beats at high volume, I’ll sing to myself or write little raps that no one will ever hear. I have this fantasy where one day I just go down there and he doesn’t trip or anything, just invites me into The Cave for a special guest episode. Oh wait, I think he just walked into the studio. I need to lie completely still. I don’t know if he can hear me typing this YouTube description. But this is my only remaining link to the outside world, and I’ll give it up over my dead body. Until next time my friends, please enjoy Episode 3 of this season, with our guest Kenny Mason.
It’s Day 112 of my self-imposed captivity in Kenny’s attic. I’ve started to become delirious, and I’ve lost at least 20 pounds. I haven’t found much to eat, so I’ve been subsisting mostly on wood shavings and insulation that I’ve been gathering from the inner walls of the space. One night, I got so hungry that I risked climbing down the ladder into the studio, hoping to find some kind of forgotten Postmates delivery, maybe a pizza crust. Unfortunately, when I reached the floor, I immediately cried out in anguish. I had stepped on a nail. I don’t know how it got there, but dislodging it from my foot was the most painful experience of my adult life. I had to think fast, because I was bleeding profusely and I was rapidly losing consciousness. I removed my beloved DOTS t-shirt and wrapped it around my wound, tightening it just in time. I hobbled my way back up the ladder and threw myself back down on my makeshift bed. And in that moment I wondered, was that a trap? Had Kenny intended for me, like a mouse in the night, to climb down those very steps and injure myself this way? Did he think it could stop me? I laughed to myself. It’s gonna take more than entry level Home Alone tactics to defeat me. All I know is this is an act of war, and I will have to respond appropriately. I cannot show weakness. I should have updates for you all next week. For now, please enjoy this episode of The Cave, starring the inimitable Teezo Touchdown.
I’ve been living in the attic of The Cave for as long as I can remember. It’s hard for me to picture life before. While harvesting my daily meal, wood shavings and insulation, I noticed what appeared to be a human-sized oval in the wall. There seemed to be no one else in this space, but there were lampposts glowing in the distance. Then, in the distance, I saw it. A red Tesla Model X. As I approached the vehicle I sensed something’s not right. I looked in the windows and there no was no one in there. Strange. Just as I started to panic, the wing doors of the Tesla lifted. With no other option in sight, I got in the passenger seat. The car started to move on its own. I’m typing to you now having been on this road for at least an hour. In the far distance I see a golden cityscape.Thats where this car is headed. Wish me luck everyone. I don’t know what the future ahead of me holds, but if you don’t hear from me in the next Cave YouTube video description, something terrible happened.
Day 209. Last time I wrote to you, I had just found a portal in the attic of The Cave and bravely stepped into a strange new world. For the last 55 days, a driverless Tesla has been transporting me down a long and winding road. The vehicle must be solar-powered because it hasn’t stopped once. To the left of the road is a vast expanse of solid blue landscape. To the right, a vast expanse of solid red landscape. What does it mean? I don’t know but I aim to discover the truth. I think I saw a moose with like 200 antlers one time but snow continues to fall in sheets so it’s hard to make out any details. The over-antlered mystical moose may have been a figment of my imagination or a dream. Within the first few hours on the road, I discovered a small space behind the backseats equipped with basic necessities. Food, water, a tiny but perfectly functional toilet with an equally tiny but tasteful bidet setup attached. After 154 days in Kenny’s attic, this all felt like the pinnacle of luxury. S
I followed the white cat, of course. It seemed to be taking me to the source of this deafening 808 sound in the distance. Sure enough, we ended up at the entrance to some kind of temple, an all interwoven blue and white ceramic structure. It was visibly shaking from the sound but I knew this was the place I needed to be. I stepped up to an entryway that seemed to beckon me. A massive door slid open and my cat friend did not hesitate. I joined the cat inside, where yet another doorway seemed to invite me in. There it was: an elevator in the middle of a wide open empty ballroom. I looked up but the column of the elevator seemed to stretch to an infinite height. I stepped inside and the cat jumped up on me as the door closed. At first I thought the cat might have been frightened, scratching at my back, but it simply wanted to climb up and sit on my shoulder. I petted it. We had become so close already. For some reason, I knew we could trust each other. Suddenly, I felt lightheaded. In
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out. “For what?” said the 6’7” figure staring back at me. “Staying in the attic,” I said. “The hiding, the lying. Eating all of the insulation in the attic walls. I just really love The Cave YouTube series.” He blinked, then responded “Bro… what the fuck are you talking about?” I rushed to explain myself. “Kenny, I never meant to be there for that long, I just found a life in there that I never knew was possible.” He blinked again. “Who the fuck is Kenny?” he asked, genuinely confused. Now I was confused. “...Who are you?” I asked, dumbfounded. He leaned in toward me and smiled. “Have you ever prayed for inspiration?” “Yes.” “Well, I am the one you prayed to. Every artist that has ever made anything classic or iconic? I blessed them with that spark. Pablo Picasso. Leonardo Da Vinci. Tisakorean. They asked and I answered.” I couldn’t believe it. Standing before me was some kind of demigod. “Come with me,” he said. “Jump on my back.” “What?” I
Attic Chronicles 11/26/21...Last time I checked in with you guys, I was flying on the back of a Kenny Beats-esque demigod through the glass roof of the Temple of 808s. The following moments were definitely a blur, but when I found myself able to see again, we were overlooking this vast golden cityscape. From a bird’s eye view, I could see that the buildings were all arranged in a specific way. These massive shapes that on the ground appeared like skyscrapers, from up here looked like keys of a piano, alternating white and yellow gold. And they were moving as though some gigantic, invisible hand was playing them. Some keys would lower and others would rise back up, like a pneumatic player piano. I couldn’t make out the chords themselves, but it was advanced. Probably jazz. “What does it mean?” I asked the demigod. “It means it’s already written,” he replied. “I’m not sure I understand. What’s written?” “Everything.” “Who’s playing the keys?” “Exactly who you think.” If I was a
Attic Chronicles 12/10/21… Hello my readers. Where was I? Oh, right. So I had been flying on the back of the 808 demigod that looked like Kenny Beats with my cat on my shoulder and I had realized that the gigantic, bejeweled piano beneath me was actually the instrument of God and that God was invisibly playing out the time and space of our reality. I had decided in a blind rage to release my grip and drop down thousands of feet to my own death so that I could land on one of the piano keys and alter the nature of existence for all of posterity. As I tumbled through the air I wondered if perhaps I had made the wrong decision. I thought to myself, I must actually look stupid as fuck falling through the sky right now. I have no parachute, I’m just going to immediately explode on impact. But maybe that’s worth it? Probably not. God’s plan was actually going just fine so far. My life was pretty good when I think about it. Why couldn’t I just enjoy it? It was God’s plan, after all, that led m
“Yo.” A sharp pain in my back. “A-YO.” Another sharp pain. I open my eyes. I hear: “What the fuck are you doing here?” Standing above me is Kenny Beats. The surroundings become clear to me. I’m in the attic of The Cave. “Hello?” I muster. “Yo, I don’t know who you are,” he says. “But, you need to get the fuck out of my attic. I’m about to do the Toro Y Moi episode.” At once, it all becomes clear to me. I must have lost consciousness at some point, having eaten nothing but wall insulation for weeks on end. “Why is it so cold up here?” wonders Kenny. “I don’t know,” I say. “Well,” says Kenny. “Look, I’m too rich at this point to deal with you. Either you can step down that ladder or I can call my savages right now to remove you. And they won’t be as forgiving as me. Aris, Dylan, Dom… they actually like stomping people out. It’s what they do for fun outside of their day-to-day DOTS responsibilities.” I nod and begin my descent back down to civilization. Kenny steps down the l
Welcome back to The Cave. We’ve come such a long way you guys. Somehow we’ve made it to the finale of season 3. And who better to close it out than Griselda legend Benny The Butcher? It’s important to bring ourselves and everyone back to the classic Cave formula—no frills, a beat made in microwave time, and a rap verse worthy of a studio album. Thank you for joining us on this years-long journey, we hope we’ve brought you as much love and inspiration as you’ve brought us.
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