Ernie and Bert are pirates, looking for treasure on the open sea. They come to an island, where a monkey steals their map, and they have to swap Bert's clothes to get it back. They find a happy face, and dig up a treasure chest full of socks, which Bert finds exciting, but Ernie doesn't. Their lifeboat has floated away from the shore, so they use the treasure chest as a floating device and the socks as sails.
Ernie and Bert are astronauts, traveling through space in their Rubber Duckie-shaped spaceship. They land on a distant planet and befriend a group of aliens, who bear a striking resemblance to Bert. They invite Ernie to play with them, which makes Bert feel left out and very shy about making friends with the aliens. They then discover that they all share a love for pigeons. They all have fun doing his pigeon dance.
Bert and Ernie are now the world’s greatest inventors, making their latest creation. They name their new robot Frankie and begin commanding it to do things, such as squeaking Ernie’s duckie or yodeling. Bert makes him do something “useful” by making Frankie knit him some argyle socks. He leaves to get a pair as a visual aid, leaving Ernie alone with the robot. Frankie gets carried away with Ernie’s orders and makes a mess of the lab. Bert stops the madness by asking Frankie to “please stop.” He makes Ernie and Frankie clean up, then joins them in their clean-up dance.
Ernie and Bert are cavemen. Since they have no grocery stores or restaurants, they must find food on their own. Ernie finds a giant egg in a nest and he and Bert take it back to their cave. When Bert starts to cook it, it hatches and a baby dinosaur emerges, calling the attention of the Mama Dinosaur. After getting chased, they see how sad the mother is without her baby, so they give him back and are rewarded with bananas to eat.
Now cowboys in the old west, Sheriff Ernie and Deputy Bert must find Clarice the Cow, the only source of milk in the area. A singing cactus tells them she’s in Horseshoe Gulch. They head for the town on their “taxi” (a donkey named Speedy). Ernie hears “cow sounds” coming from the saloon and lo and behold, they see Clarice dancing with Billy the Bull. They use the element of surprise to enter, but she reveals that she and Billy are going on a world tour and their carriage is arriving at “high noon”. They try to convince her to stay by making Bert be her dancing partner, but he’s dancing is not up to her standards. Bert believes she could make the world come to her, which touches her and she decides to stay. Ernie, Bert and Speedy enjoy some fresh milk.
Sir Bert and Sir Ernie are Knights who must rescue Princess Duckie from her high tower, which is guarded by a dragon. They discover that the dragon has two weaknesses: fear of water, and love of praise. After scaring the dragon a bit, they convince it to help them save the Princess by giving it a little praise.
As ecologists, Bert and Ernie must preserve and protect the plants and animals of the rain forest. Unfortunately, this rain forest has a displaced beaver with the ambition to build a Grand Opera House! It's up to Bert and Ernie to convince the beaver the importance of the rain forest before he gnaws down all the trees for his Opera House.
Ernie and Bert are working in a bakery. They get a call from Big Bob, who makes a huge order for "Chocolate Surprise", a pastry they're never even heard of before, and he wants it in only a short while. In a panic, Bert carefully follows the instructions from a cookbook for big orders, while Ernie less-than-carefully throws the ingredients together, making a mess of the bakery. Big Bob arrives, and is very pleased with their work, as their mess turns out to be exactly the Chocolate Surprise that he had ordered.
Bert and Ernie are rodeo clowns at a Western State Fair. While they are rehearsing their act, Ernie gets recruited to stand in for a missing bull rider. Macho Miguel, one of the regular riders, doesn't like the competition and decides to make sure Ernie gets a very dangerous ride. Bert catches wind of the plan, and tries to save his buddy Ernie.
Bert and Ernie are being given a tour of the land of the Cliptecs by their guide, Lorenzo Llama. The Cliptecs are a tribe of people who love paperclips. Bert has brought with him a magnet to attract paperclips, and the Cliptecs think he has special powers. They instantly declare him King. But their time is short, and Ernie wants to hear the Squeaking Duckies of Quacku Picchu, so Bert must give up his throne.
Ernie and Bert are now in an Arabian town, where Ernie finds a dusty old lamp. He rubs it and a genie waitress comes out and grants them three wishes. Ernie wishes for a "Duckie Touch", where everything he touches turns into Rubber Duckies. This story is a mixture of the Aladdin story from One Thousand and One Nights, and the King Midas story from Greek mythology.
Bert and Ernie are chariot racers in ancient Rome. They must race Porkus Maximus and Horsus, the fastest racers in the Empire. All they've got is Fred the donkey to pull their chariot. They discover that every time they make Fred laugh, he sprints faster than any horse could. Now they need to make sure they keep Fred laughing in order to catch Porkus Maximus.
Ernie and Bert are now owners of a farm with a poor crop. Ernie thinks that if he asks the single, small cloud in the sky, he will rain and the crops will liven up. The cloud complies and replenishes their crop. However, he follows them inside their home to make it rain inside as well. Bert explains he belongs outdoors and the cloud agrees.
Bert and Ernie are now car mechanics and Ernie now has an affinity for being a singing car mechanic. A lady ostrich brings her car in and heads out. Ernie discovers the car moves when he sings, so he and Bert get in and make it fly by singing, but Ernie takes them on a treacherous trail. After landing back in the garage, the ostrich comes back and tries singing, but is horribly off-key. Bert actives the radio and she goes flying.
Ernie, Bert and Rubber Duckie are about to travel through the treacherous Duck Cave to find the Wise Old Duck and ask him a very important question. Using their map, they come across the first landmark of the cave – The Feather Tunnel, which causes anyone who touches the feathers to laugh. Next, they swing across the Great Egg Pit. Finally, they find a large duck egg, which means the Wise Old Duck is near. The Wise Old Duck emerges and Ernie asks the question: “Which came first – the Duckie or the egg?” The WOD cannot think of an answer, as Bert accidentally knocks over the large duck egg and it begins to roll. They all escape and Ernie realizes the answer to his question: to him, Rubber Duckie will always come first.
Bert and Ernie are enjoying a day at sea, when Ernie spots a character in the water, which Bert doesn't believe. Ernie dives under and meets Ethyl Mermaid, who plays tag with him. Meanwhile, a nasty rat parks his boat right next to Bert and begins tossing trash into the water. Ethyl agrees to meet Bert, but gets caught in some of the rat's garbage. Bert and the rat hear her air bubbles popping with yelling coming from them and offer to help. The rat attaches his anchor to the trash and pulls, setting her free. They then collect the trash from the ocean floor.