Patrick and GrandPat try to pass each other on the stairs, leading to a ludicrous conflict. The members of the Star family each confront their own absurd rivalries.
Patrick hosts a telethon to raise money for snails who can't dance. Patrick loses the remote in the cushions, so he journeys into the couch to track it down.
Patrick hires cheap ghosts to haunt his house, but he ends up getting just what he paid for. Patrick hits an unnatural growth spurt in his late adolescence.
Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye must venture back home together after being taken away by mistake. Patrick gets injured, so his family members take turns hosting the show.
Patrick messes with the space-time continuum. While Cecil and Bunny celebrate their anniversary in outer space, Patrick and Squidina throw a house party.
Bunny tries to punish Patrick for chocolate-favored crimes. The Lawnies vote for what Patrick does next in a special "Choose Your Own Adventure" episode of The Patrick Show.
Pat The Hapless goes on a barbaric quest to the shopping mall. After Captain Quasar replaces Pat-Tron with a more efficient robot, Pat-Tron works for the Star family.
Patrick helps Squidward with his newspaper delivery job to compensate for injuring him. In the midst of a typical day of scavenging, the Dartfish family discovers a thief in the Star home.
Patrick spawns an adorable mini-Patrick, who quickly becomes the star of the show. The Star family celebrates the Klopnodian holiday Swaptoberfest by swapping identities with each other.
Patrick and Squidina follow their last idea to bring into RandomLand. After discovering that Patrick never finished behavioral training, the family home-schools him.