Leanne Murdoch arrives at Swift and Shift from Dubbo. It's her first day and she meets the good, the bad and the stinky who work in the call centre, the loading dock, the despatch area and of course the couriers. Keith Warne the depot manger is under fire from his new Regional Manager Amanda, he is told that he has six months to improve his ever failing depot. During the episode a massive Mambo painting is lost as well as the National Rugby League trophy.
A polar bear suit being couriered to a stage show is borrowed by Mario and Luigi to impress Luigi's latest girlfriend. All hell breaks loose when footage of Mario dancing in the suit is uploaded on YouTube. The newcomer Leanne is told to fill in for a sick despatcher and spends the day with the horny guys from despatch. The air conditioning becomes an issue with the phone room and despatch fighting over the thermostat. Keith finds out the twins are road raging his Regional Manager and boss Amanda. Abdullah Azar, the stinky courier, is told to buy a deodorant, George, the disabled worker is learning the forklift, and an angry gay florist wants his misplaced mushrooms.
Jonathon the CEO of the Tri-Mega Corporation, which owns Swift and Shift, realises that in order to obtain the Government funding he's applied for he needs to management train women, ethnics and the disabled. Keith and Amanda hand pick staff to attend a day of management training. But, after a car accident, obesity issues and a general lack of IQ it is decided that the Swift and Shift staff are useless and Amanda hires the trainers as efficiency managers instead.
Swift and Shift has two brand new efficiency managers, Damien and Karen, who change the computer and logistics system. Unfortunately the system crashes and shuts down the depot. The only courier working is Mario who has to deliver a realistic looking sex doll to a farmer in a small town called Gallops Crossing.
Regional manager Amanda is organising a charity dinner, with a vintage children's rocket ride as the main auction item. Mario is on a job picking up a motor scooter from a cross-eyed man, when Keith calls him to pick up the rocket. When Mario's van breaks down, he must tow the rocket ride around the CBD on top of the client's motor scooter. There is also a mysterious yoghurt thief among the office staff.
Swift and Shift offers to transport the ashes of an Australian soldier killed in Iraq back to Australia as a publicity stunt to promote the company. Keith chooses Mario and Melissa as the team that will go overseas. On the way to Egypt, where the army accidentally sent the ashes, Mario and Melissa's flight is forced to land due to a random tsunami.
Mario and Melissa continue their journey to Cairo. Delayed by a terrorist attack and after getting lost en route to the secret army base, Mario and Melissa's taxi breaks down allowing them to visit the pyramids where they are robbed by their drivers who think they are transporting drugs.
Everyone is unhappy. David the Dwarf wants a bigger chair and is refused, he then calls Works Cover on the grounds the depot is unsafe. Sole wants to quit after being given one too many difficult deliveries. Abdul wants to kill Alex the despatcher and quit after being bitten by an infidel dog. Keith is under fire as a safety inspector from Works Cover is called to inspect Swift and Shift. And Renzo is rumoured to be having an affair with the mysterious shoe lady.
Keith organises a Swift and Shift Xmas party, not realising that Amanda is planning to fire him. Mario starts a war with a road safety worker, and the twins and Melissa plan a bout of break and enter skinny-dipping. On the way to fire Keith, a tipsy Amanda smashes into a car and is busted by Murray the Cop, an ex-employee of Swift and Shift whom she fired. Can Amanda broker a deal to get out of the... situation
We return to Hashfield Depot with Keith facing more cutbacks due to the global financial meltdown. He has lost people in nearly every department. Melissa has been put back in the phone room, Murray is back as HR Manager and Abdul’s cousin, Habib, comes on as the additional driver. On orders from Head Office, Keith has everyone in the depot re-interviewing for their jobs. What he doesn’t know is that the interviewer Amanda has sent is a spy - to help Amanda set up her own depot using outsourced labour. Mario has a package stolen from the back of his van and ends up chasing the thief all over the city to try and get it back in fear of losing his job
Jim has fallen asleep at his desk, again, and no one can seem to wake him up. So to teach Jim and the Indian drivers a lesson, the Hashfield boys decide to box him up and book the Indians to deliver him to head office. Mario is having problems getting his mobile phone fixed from the Indian run phone shop. Damien is adjusting to his new role as Operations Manager and life in India.
It’s Valentine’s Day and like every year it’s extremely busy with people wanting their flowers and gifts delivered on time. Keith asks Anthony to buy his wife a gift, a new perfume called Pussycat. Anthony misunderstands and comes back with a real cat that manages to escape and run through the whole office. Lonely on Valentine’s Day, Amanda and Murray both try internet dating using old photos and fabricated identities. Without realising it, they set up a Valentine’s date with each other. Melissa, not wanting to be alone on Valentine’s Day, agrees to go on a date with Mario.
On orders from head office, the Hashfield couriers must attend driver training with the Indian drivers. Mario and Habib get kicked off the course, Kev and George are doing forklift training and the twins decide to get their motorbike licenses. Keith and Alex decide to prank Murray for taking a day off at home to watch the cricket so they enlist Mario and Habib who use the swat gear from Mario’s last job to scare Murray. Mario and Habib wind up in the middle of a real swat team operation ordered by Abdul to appease his wife’s complaints about a noisy Aussie neighbour.
Swift & Shift have taken on a medical delivery contract with the government, which sees Mario and Abdul teaming up on some highly contagious deliveries. They battle with seagulls, a breakdown, a snake in the desert, climb a volcano, and have a bad case of ball rash. Mario goes to Keith to complain. Keith tells him to see Murray, Murray is on a flexy day and passes him to Renzo, who in turn passes him to Safety Officer Doreen, who passes it all back to Keith. On the verge of being fired Mario applies for a job delivering pizzas with Fat Pizza’s Bobo (Johnny Boxer).
It’s Keith’s Birthday and the boys have organised a stripper for him. Due to many complaints head office have a harassment counsellor coming in to interview some of the staff ... at the same time. George takes his medication with Keith’s special stash of Scotch and strips down to his undies and dashes around the office just as Amanda arrives for some instant dismissals.
Another day at the Hashfield depot has Keith arriving to Kev the Kiwi doing burnouts on the forklift, George with a toilet seat around his neck, Murray with an urgent complaint about the charity chocolate box and a hungover dwarf who is throwing up everywhere. Murray launches a police-style investigation into who is not paying for their coffee and chocolates only to discover Keith to be the culprit. Amanda threatens to fire any of Keith’s couriers with less than two points on their licence. When the RTA list comes through, Amanda’s name is on it and she has to scramble to get out of this one. David the dwarf gets locked in the toilets and knocks himself out only to be discovered by Anthony who manages to lock himself in the cubicle with him.
It’s the social club ski trip at Swift & Shift and the winners are Mario, Melissa, Elle, Kev the Kiwi, Alex, David and Jackie. Mario has been taking steroids that Alex sold him and is enraged the whole trip. David gets left on the side of the road while Jackie gets lost on the mountain, the others get drunk and Mario gets back with Melissa.
Keith’s 12 months to improve the depot are nearly up and he is short staffed with Mario and his pregnant fiancée, Melissa, in Las Vegas getting married, and Oliver quitting so he can have time off to marry Fernando the Florist. Amanda’s Indian depot is saving so much money that they are extending the overseas workers contracts. By day's end Keith is forced to announce that everyone must attend Oliver’s wedding and that he has been given two weeks' notice.
While the staff are being forced to attend Oliver’s wedding, Keith sneaks into the Swift & Shift board meeting in a last-ditch attempt to save the Hashfield depot. Keith finds out that the overseas depot is running an identity theft scam, using employee files. Mario and Melissa dress to the nines for their Las Vegas wedding, but take a less-glamourous mode of transport to the chapel ... walking. Fraud, mismanagement and an entire depot getting pissed at a gay wedding – bloody outrageous.
The behind the scenes special of Swift and Shift Couriers. Watch Paul Fenech as he gives you a tour of the Swift and Shift filming areas and props, too.
