Janet Varney and Cole Stratton riff this mess of an ‘80s fantasy film directed by Richard “Goonies” Donner and starring Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller-ing his way through medieval times with a Yonkers accent) as a young thief who aids cursed lovers Michelle Pfeiffer (just a few years away from sitting on chairs backwards in Dangerous Minds) and Rutger Hauer (acting the minimum required from a replicant).