Vin Diesel, the Jean-Claude Van Damme of our time, stars as Xander Cage, an underground extreme sports star who apparently lost all his hair in a tragic skydiving accident. The NSA shanghais Xander to help them bust up a dangerous group of anarchists – and what an amazingly well-organized and thorough group of anarchists they are – by using his skills at pulling the most extremely off da heezy-fo-sheezy stunts ever, bi-atch. Samuel L. Jackson co-stars as Xander's cantankerous boss, made cantankerous, we can assume, by the fact that one side of his face is melted (the result, no doubt, of a mishap while he and his nutty friends were filming a Diet Coke and Mentos stunt for YouTube.) The film is a perfect fit for Mike's RiffTrax style, what with his deep, deep roots in the underground sports community (once, when he was nine years old, he rode his bike right over a milk carton.)