The Dark

Are you afraid of The Dark? You should be. Not because it’s scary, it most certainly isn’t, but because it will rattle your brains if you try too hard to understand what it’s about. Is it a 70s cop drama about a serial killer? Or a monster movie about a demonic alien creature zapping people with its laser vision? The answer is somehow both, but also neither. William Devane, currently starring in commercials where he convinces older folks it’s a good idea to put all their money in gold, is a “sexy” former cop turned novelist (sure, why not) out to avenge his daughter’s death in a battle against… whatever is happening in The Dark. Really, we spent a lot of time with this movie and we’re still not sure, we’d love your help. Rounding out the cast of stock 70s character actors who appeared in multiple episodes of Columbo, we’ve got “voice of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo” Casey Kasem as a grim police coroner, Cathy Lee Crosby, and Richard Jaeckel, who keen-eyed Rifftrax fans may recognize as the scientist who got yelled at by shirtless Leslie Nielsen in Day of the Animals. So yeah, there’s a lot to love in The Dark. But not a lot to see, because it’s dark. Step into the murk of the late 70s with Mike, Kevin, and Bill, and savor the darky darkness of… The Dark!