The Devil's not getting any younger. Sure, the Prince of Darkness was wild and unruly in his misspent youth. And, yes, he had his fun, what with raising an army against the heavens, leading mankind into temptation, and inspiring sports bars to buy karaoke machines. However, even the Evil One finds himself maturing, and wanting to find a nice girl and start a family. The problem, of course, is meeting the right woman. Unfortunately for the Dark Lord of the Underworld, he decided to settle down in the 1970s. Before the internet transformed romantic pursuits into proprietary algorithms, all the eternally damned could do to find true love was to claim an unborn child as an intended mate, control her upbringing through a diabolical cult, and hope that she matures into a woman who is not distracted by the irreverant charms of a van-dwelling stalker with a heart of gold. Which, yes, still has a better chance of working than the craigslist personals, but only slightly.