The One Man Band: The Thing

One might ask, "Why? This was actually pretty good!" One might not remember the helicopter scenes. The endless, endless helicopter scenes. The One Man Band is forced into a conundrum by his commanding officer (newcomer Sarge Crumley): either leave the safety of his underground bunker, or review "The Thing." Guess what he picks. The Thing stars a pre-Sky High Kurt Russell, who plays a drunkard with a beard who hates doing things while pretending to occasionally be a helicopter pilot for an Antarctic research crew. Things (pun intended) go downhill from there when the two worst marksman in Norwegian history get themselves killed, leaving the American team at the mercy of an alien creature that likes to eat people and dress up as them (Nobody tell Leatherface). The crew, already on edge from Wilford Brimley hawking Quaker Oats and being bossed around by the Punky Brewster guy*, pull out the research station's obligatory flamethrower and start seeing how flammable they all are. In case you're wondering, it all ends in tears. Though chances are nobody misses Palmer.