Richard has noticed a new development in police technology and is annoyed that there is no shop for British sweets on Leicester Square. His guest went to school with “Pencils” Osborne, it’s Hal Cruttenden. The pair discuss whether equality encompasses the middle-classes, gigs turning into armed sieges, being too star-struck to act with Anthony Hopkins, killing their wives for the insurance, having sex with ghosts (of course) and forming a Human Centipede with Eddie Izzard. Hal reveals for the first time a rare condition that he suffers from, though possibly just to give himself an alibi and Rich reminisces about working in Ealing.