Since the 1990s, it’s been hard to watch coverage of parenting without being told there’s a war going on. The so-called Mommy Wars are being fought between employed mothers and those who stay at home – a supposed fight over whether mothers’ choices are helping kids or doing them harm. But, as the years have passed and women have made different individual choices, it turns out that it may be the question itself – and the false assumptions behind it – that are the real problem.