After failing to be selected for the Renford Comprehensive school football team, Ben, Bruno & Jason are encouraged by the injured Stewart to form their own five-a-side team to play in the Renford Sunday League. But the three aren't pleased when the remaining players turn out to be Ronnie, who's a fashion victim, and Robin, who's a girl! Although they lose badly in their first match against the much feared Renford Razors, they acquit themselves well, as they manage to score the only goal the Razors have ever conceded.
When Bruno gets bullied by the Razors for being an Italian, Bruno decides to stand up for himself against the Razors but Eddie secretly helps him out and frightens the bullies by pretending to be Bruno's uncle, a mafia boss. Bruno is surprised to find that the Razors just want to serve him, until they recognise Eddie that is.
Tricked by the Rejects into thinking that he's got a ticket for QPR, Jason talks his way into the grounds and ends up trying to score a goal on the pitch at half-time against a footballing legend.
The Rejects decide to help lovestruck Ben and his poetry get noticed by Justine. Their advice is useless, but the poetry is a big hit.
Robin causes chaos when she uses her psychology training to give the Rejects a positive mental attitude to help them win some matches. Unfortunately her only effect is to make them feel better about losing.
When the Rejects stop listening to him, Stewart decides he doesn't want to be the coach anymore. Jason takes charge instead, but makes himself so unpopular the others beg Stewart to return.
Justine persuades Ben to go to ballet class with her, but his plans don't stay secret for long, when the rest of the team decide to turn up to see him in action.
When Jason is caught cheating to win a match against some real footballers, the Rejects end up with the bill at the Graceland cafe and have to sing for their supper.
After Ronnie runs out of money and has to hide from the people who bought tickets for the evening he's promoting, the Rejects end up being the star attraction at a karaoke night at Graceland, which Eddie organises.
When Jason gets two tickets to what they think is a big game, the Rejects take turns to worm their way into his good books to be the one who accompanies him. He accepts all the bribes, but then gives the tickets to Eddie and Priscilla.
After being humiliated by a real Italian girl, Bruno decides to go back to being his old self, plain Barry Grade. However, an encounter with his biggest (and only) fan, prompts him to become Bruno again.
Vinnie's father wants him to stop wasting time with the video camera and play cricket, but he's not good enough for the team. So he decides to make a video of the Rejects' season for a competition, instead.
It's the last game of the season, and the Rejects desperately need to win against their archrivals, the Razors. But there's a big setback when Robin gets kidnapped by the Razors' scheming coach, Mr Stoker.
The Rejects suffer a setback when Robin announces she is leaving to play for Chelsea. However, she is promptly replaced by Sue White, who turns out to be an awful player, but with a useful talent for distracting Terry Stoker from scoring goals.
Bruno is caught in the middle when a new pizza service opens in Renford, rivalling Graceland. Desperate for a moped of his own, Bruno takes a job delivering pizzas. But which team will he play for when the Rejects take on the pizzeria? The Rejects and everyone else at Graceland dive for cover when Bruno goes on the loose on his new moped.
Ronnie takes the Rejects go-karting for his birthday treat, where they race a grudge match against their archrival Terry Stoker. With everyone forced off the track, who will win?
The Rejects follow Ronnie's lead and decide to invest in stocks and shares. Unfortunately, they leave Eddie to handle their investments, and so what little they had seems doomed.
Ronnie, Ben, Vinnie and Bruno decide to leave the Rejects when the famous music promoter Sven Garley promises to turn them into the latest boy band. But they change their mind when they find out how much hard work it takes.
Ben struggles with his creative values as he decides to express himself through the medium of film by making a short film for his art course, but it is ruined when the Rejects take it over.
The Rejects coach some of England's 1966 World Cup squad to help Eddie's scratch team beat Mr Stoker and his Senior Razors team.
Desperate to improve the Rejects' form before a big match, Stewart arranges a training camp session for the team, but tells them they're going to a health farm. They only realise when they arrive, and expend all their efforts on making an escape bid.
When a major team's football talent scout visits, the Rejects are each convinced that he has come to sign them up for a big name team. Too late, Stewart realises that it was he who was being considered.
Jason is seen to be the biggest threat to the Razors, as they plan their victory over the Rejects. So Mr Stoker makes him an offer to play for the school's First XI if he will leave the Rejects and join the Razors instead.
Ben decides to join the cadets, thinking that it is his destiny to become a great military leader. He succeeds and is soon reaches the rank of Colonel.
Vinnie is given the impossible task of preparing Mr Stoker's tribute video, when he resigns from the school. The tongue-in-cheek video praises Mr Stoker so much that he decides to stay at the school forever.
The Rejects are forced to fight for their places in the team when Stewart brings in Marcello, the Uruguayan superstar. But there is the distraction of a beautiful Swedish exchange student.
Mia Smith is brought in to replace Sue White, who has left to play in goal for Arctic Rangers. Eddie receives a legacy from his aunt, and decides to close down the café and turn it into a first-class training camp for the team. Things go well for the Rejects and they climb to the top of the league, until they get carried away and start acting like prima donnas, refusing to play or train unless Eddie meets their outrageous demands. He comes under intense pressure to give way in the run up to the cup final.
The Rejects are set to play a charity match against the Razors, in which each team has to have a star guest player. The Rejects feel they need to beef up their team further, since Ben's goalkeeping has been upset since his playing of Hamlet has filled him with self-doubt. They manage to get Gianfranco Zola from Chelsea to play with them, but the Razors persuade Martin Keown from Arsenal to join them. What will win the day: Italian style or British clout?
Bruno's arrogance about how good he is at football leads him to stop bothering training with the others, and gets Jason fed up. So Jason tricks Bruno into thinking he has been asked to train with West Ham by phoning him saying he is Mr J Oke, the personal assistant to the manager, Harry Redknapp. But the joke backfires when Bruno does actually train with the West Ham team and is even offered a contract by Redknapp.
The Roman occupants of Renfordium left behind some buried treasure, which has been sought ever since. Eddie has inherited part of a map from his grandfather, but Basil Stoker has its other half. They each try unsuccessfully to find the treasure with their half, and end up having to collaborate. Ben discovers a chronicle of an ancient ""foot-bladder"" match played between the Rejectii and the Razorii, to settle the question of who should inhabit the Renfordium area.
The Rejects play a practical joke on Terry. His father advises him: ""Don't get mad, get even"". So Terry sets out to ruin the Rejects' chances in their next match against the Razors, by duping each of them, but he makes a serious mis-calculation.
Vinnie lands a job with ITV on the sports program, and prepares himself for a career as a famous sports reporter. He has to give up making the Sportsview program on the Renford football scene, but when Terry is first in line to take it over, Mr Stoker is horrified at the prospect. Jason hatches a plot to get the program returned to Vinnie, and lets Mr Stoker in on it.
Bruno loses his lucky medallion, and refuses to play again until it is found, so Jason has to track it down. The team complain about the food at Graceland, so Eddie puts Stewart in charge while he goes away for a day. Stewart appoints Ben as chef. Jason is on a 48-hr silence for a bet with Vinnie, with the prize being that he can host Sportsview.
When the Rejects are promised a trip to the States by American sports agent Danny Grubb, they agree to learn his new sport called Cosmic Soccer, that he hopes will take America by storm. The team exchange their football shirts and shorts for new lycra outfits, and take on new personae: Stewart becomes 'The Boss', Bruno 'Godfather', Jason 'Die Hard', Ben 'Viper', and Mia 'Fury'. But are the Rejects really any good at it?
Stewart does a phone-in program at Renford Talk Radio when the usual host fails to arrive, and is so successful that he is offered the slot permanently. Mia gets the team mountain biking as part of their training, but they all get injured in accidents. When Stewart starts insulting the callers and telling them hard truths, his popularity wanes and he gets the sack. He is now the only Reject who can challenge Terry at the upcoming cycle race.
Mia makes a statue of Renford Comprehensive's most famous former pupil, the famous footballer Ian Rush, that is to be unveiled by him in a special ceremony at the school. It needs to be transported from Graceland to the school, but the courier firm can't do the job. The other Rejects undertake the task, but the statue gradually falls apart on them, and the pieces accidentally go off in different directions. They have to retrieve the parts and get them to the school for Mia to reassemble, but time is running out. The Rejects help Stewart extend his presentation speech to buy her more time, but in the end it is Ian Rush's idea that saves the day.
The Rejects get a channel on Renford Cable to broadcast on, and start up their own TV station. Vinnie presents Sportsview, Mia hosts a chat show Meet Mia, Ben presents the weather forecast but wants to do a literary review, Jason makes a soap opera Desolation Street, Bruno presents Italia Mia!, Stewart reads the news, and Eddie hosts Saturday Night Live at Graceland. But it's Cooking with Priscilla that gets the best ratings in the end.
The team are desperate for a new kit to keep up with the modern game. But finding a new sponsor is going to be easier said than done.
A greedy land developer buys the Rejects' pitch with the intention of turning it into an office block.
Under their new player-manager Dennis Quayle, the Rejects qualify for the European Beach Football Championships to general amazement, and, despite Basil Stoker's attempts at sabotage, they end up winning the competition.
Stanley the gorilla escapes from Renford Safari Park, but the Rejects think it's just Ben in his gorillagram suit and put Stanley in goal in a match against the Razors. When the match is abandoned due to the ape, Stoker decides to get his own back and scare the Rejects with his own gorilla suit. It all backfires on him when the keepers from the safari park come to recapture Stanley.
Dennis agrees to play golf against Terry Stoker, with a wager that the loser's team will have to lick the other team's boots clean. With such high stakes, and such low natural abilities at golf, there's bound to be some cheating.
Mia decides to organise the Renford Sports Personality Of The Year Awards. The Rejects make a pact to vote for each other to ensure that they all get an award. But they end up getting just the autographs of a few celebrities.
Dennis realises that the Rejects need some fans to help them be more successful. His attempts to get them some supporters result in them getting kicked out of the league and the Graceland café.
Mia and Vinnie enter the Ballroom Dancing Championships, and find themselves competing against Basil Stoker. The Rejects take to dancing so much that it improves their fottballing legwork significantly.
Santoro and his bandit gang are threatening the town of New Renford, and Mayhem Millie gets a team of Renfordians from the old country to fight him off and save the town. The Renfordians teach the townspeople to play football, and then decide to return home to start up their own football team back in old Renford.
The Rejects all have after-school jobs to make some money, but put more effort into them than into their playing, and so don't do well. At Graceland's comedy night, Ben shows them that it's enough just to be funny.
Martin Keown takes over as the manager of the Renford City football team, and the Rejects offer him their help. He says he most wants a new mascot for the team, and the Rejects see who can come up with the silliest costume. Despite their best efforts, Keown chooses Eddie.
Vinnie investigates the Razors' tough tactics, and makes Terry Stoker a hero. Terry suggests that he and Vinnie make a ""How To Be A Hardman"" video, which is an instant success. The Rejects study the techniques shown in the video, and beat the Razors at their own game.
Bruno attempts to create a record for Renford, until he realises that he has no abilities. When the Rejects decide that will set records without him, Bruno teams up with Terry Stoker to set his own record. When none of the record attempts succeed, the Rejects return to playing football, but play so badly that they set a record for Renford's heaviest defeat.
Ben doesn't plan on having a big party when his parents leave him at home for the night, but fellow pupil Ben Porter is. Vinnie mistakenly tells everyone to go to Ben Phillips' house, and a riotous night follows as Renford's coolest people invade the Rejects' night-in.
At the airport, Eddie mistakenly picks up West Ham's new Ukrainian star instead of a Ukrainian exchange student. Before the mistake is realised, Sergei helps the Rejects top the league. Bored of not having anything to do in matches, the Rejects welcome Harry Redknapp's proposal of an exchange to get their real players back.
