Abduction

Nathan (Taylor Lautner) has always felt like a freak. His neck, an exessive protrusion for a human's, has made him self-concious in his teen years. He's been told he's the Chosen Alpaca reborn, put on Earth to defeat the Invincible Yak upon its return from other-realmly banishment, but that kind of thing's not likely to impress his crush, Karen. She's got the kind of big, buxom eyebrows that Nathan can't resist, and he'd trade his legendary link to the spirit of the Great Alpaca to be able to say "hey" to a girl that wooly. Destiny cares not for Nathan's dreams of mediocrity, however, and he is shaken out of his denial by an undeniably cropped-weird photo of him that he finds in the family archives. A photo cropped that weird can only mean his parents are shams, and the daily smackdowns he gets from his "father" suddenly don't seem like fun bonding moments anymore. His "mother" is also about Nathan's age and pretty hot, and he'd like to expose them as imposters as soon as possible so he can start hitting that right away. But before he can hardly feel her up at all, both fake parents are murdered by the minions of one Nikola Kozslow (codename: The Invincible Yakov) and Nathan soon finds himself freakishly-long-neck-deep in a twisted conspiracy that could go ALL THE WAY TO A GUY! Thankfully, nobody's abducted, but it's still pretty intense.