Marriage. Everybody’s is different. Every marriage contains a unique blend of personalities, a unique history, a unique set of circumstances, a unique set of problems, and a unique set of joys. Despite the fact that every marriage is different, there are certain aspects of marriage that affect us all in the same way. There are some universal constants wired into us as people and into the nature of relationships. One of these universals is the power of expectations. As we’ll see in this session, understanding how expectations work will have a huge effect on the relationship between you and your spouse.
Expectations in marriage create a debt/debtor relationship that resembles more of a contract between two parties than a covenant between two people. The result of this is that your spouse feels like they never measure up and they are never good enough. Your marriage becomes devoid of love and joy. So what are you to do? You can’t deny your expectations—after all, they started out as God-given desires. Instead you must learn to transform your expectations back into desires. You must get to a place where you decide that your spouse doesn’t owe you anything and that you owe them everything.
As long as you continue to place expectations on your spouse you have a debt/debtor relationship that will crowd out love and intimacy. In order to experience marriage as God designed it you must transform your expectations back to desires. But then what? You’re still left with all these unfulfilled hopes, dreams, and needs. We must learn to look to God as the ultimate satisfier of our desires, not our spouse. We must develop the habit of casting our cares on Him.
When I meet the right person, everything will be all right. This way of thinking creates trouble in our dating lives and sets us up for trouble in marriage. In this message, Andy challenges us to ask ourselves Am I the person the person I'm looking for is looking for? And he previews God's list of behaviors that will lead to success in dating and marriage.
Are the Bible's teachings about women relevant? In this message, Andy explains that Jesus' teachings about honoring women were extremely counter-cultural in the first century. They remain so today. So Christian men especially need to transform their thinking. And there are two simple steps to start with. *Please note, this message is not appropriate for all ages. Parental guidance is suggested.
Culture convinces us - and sometimes we convince ourselves - that sex is only physical. But if that is true, why is the pain of sexual sin so deep? Because sex is not just physical. It was designed by God to be so much more. In this message, Andy addresses common myths about sex outside of marriage and has two specific challenges going forward. *Please note, this message is not appropriate for all ages. Parental guidance is suggested.
You can say, "I do." But can you follow through? A promise - even a promise as big as a wedding vow - doesn't mean anything without preparation to back it up. In this message, Andy has a "to do" list that will prepare you to one day say "I do" and mean it.
It's difficult to solve a problem when you don't understand what's wrong to begin with. Many of us have been trying to solve the problem of "us" for a long time. Some of you have lost friends, family, or jobs because you couldn't solve you. Some of you have paid someone good money to solve you. But what if the real problem is that you don't know what the problem is?
We all want to do what's right all the time, but sometimes we end up doing what we don't want to do. It seems unavoidable. If we can't even live by our own standards, how are we supposed to live by God's? In this message, Andy Stanley explores what the Apostle Paul wrote about God's grace and Jesus' power over sin in our lives.
Sin is not my master. I am dead to sin but alive to God. If we're dead to sin, if sin isn't our master, how do we live that out? Living as a slave to sin takes no initiative on our part. What does it look like to live without sin as master over our mouths, our eyes, our minds, our insecurities, our appetites?
All religions point to three things: you ought to . . . you don't . . . you're toast. Religion is all about following the rules, but Jesus had something different in mind. He calls us to follow him, not the teachings of the church - follow first and obey later.
Many of us don’t like to follow directions. But there’s a price to pay for rushing into a situation without knowing what we’re doing. We get things wrong. And by the time we go back, undo everything we messed up, and then do it correctly, we’ve wasted more time than if we’d just followed the directions to begin with. The consequences are usually mild when we ignore the directions for repairing a computer or assembling a child’s toy. But the price of rushing into a life situation can be steep. What if there were directions for the choices we make in life? What if we could avoid repeating past mistakes when we find ourselves starting over?
One reason history repeats itself is that we don’t own our part of our history. And the reason you don’t own it is there’s nothing to own—it wasn’t your fault! But if something important has come to an end and you are starting over, you must look back and own your part in order to move ahead. Your best bet for a successful future is to own your share of the past.
We learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least. We repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. Too often, we look at our pasts and our decisions don’t even make sense to us. We end up asking, “What was I thinking?” How do we avoid getting stuck in cycles of repeated mistakes that take our lives down the wrong path?
We all have mistakes in our pasts—financial, professional, academic, relational. Unfortunately, we tend to learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least and repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. Sometimes that’s because we avoid owing our part of a mistake. It’s easier to blame others. But once you’ve taken ownership of your part of a mistake, what do you do with the part owned by others? How do you get past the stuff other people have done to turn your life upside down?
We all daydream about a trouble-free life made possible by something: a dream job, house, car, spouse, child, family, or pile of money. But what if no thing can make us happy?
We think we have to choose between being happy and pleasing God. Check out what Jesus had to say about that.
Peace with God paves the way to peace with ourselves and equips us to make peace with others. Find out the one thing it takes to find peace with God.
If your goal is to find happiness, no amount of money will ever be enough. But this one principle can change the way you view money and help you find peace.
Why are we tempted to make decisions that hurt us in the long run? This message will help you understand the difference between pleasure and happiness.
Check out this secret ingredient to happiness. It's so counterintuitive that only people who have experienced it believe it.
Discover the secret to finding peace about a difficult relationship even when you can't find peace in the relationship.
What should you do about the "bad blood" relationships in your life? This one thing will help you find peace.
Jesus says if you have bad blood with another person, you should go and have a conversation with him or her. But why should you go, when should you go, and how should you go?
No matter how badly you want peace, there are some relationships that may never be fully restored. But doing this one thing can help you find peace about any relationship.
A great marriage doesn’t happen by accident. It requires care and regular maintenance. But sometimes we don’t want to make the effort. As long as it’s not broken, do we really need to talk about it?
We all enter into marriage with hopes, dreams, and desires. They create expectations. But when you put those expectations onto your spouse, it turns your marriage into a debt/debtor relationship. Your relationship becomes marked by the belief that your spouse owes you something. So, how do you keep your hopes, dreams, and desires from becoming expectations?
As long as you think your spouse owes you, your marriage will be all about keeping score. That destroys intimacy. It destroys love. But what are we supposed to do about our hopes, dreams, and desires?
Happy couples decide they owe each other everything but are owed nothing in return. But that requires effort. Every married person makes a choice every day. That choice feels more like a reaction, so most people don’t think they have a choice at all. But they do. Happy couples make the happy choice.
Many of us want this year to be better than last year. We start off with good intentions by making a commitment to improve but inevitably end up not following through. There’s got to be a better way, right? A perfect year may be impossible. But a better year is possible.
Most of us want this year to be better. But “better” requires a bit of honest and awkward evaluation. So what are you holding onto that’s holding you back?
In relationships, we often believe if we find the right person it will make everything right. So we ask ourselves, “Is this the right person for me?” Maybe we need to be asking a different question—a question that shifts our focus from seeking the right kind of person to becoming the right kind of person.
If becoming the right kind of person is key to a great relationship, how do you do that? Is there something you can do to prepare? Does it just happen? Sure, we’re supposed to love others, but what does that really mean? Let’s lean in and read the fine print.
From elementary school through high school, many of us had ideas of what the perfect relationship would look like in the future. While those dreams may not represent our current reality, a step in the right direction could be to follow the apostle Paul’s advice—move from our childish ways and start being grownups.
If you don’t want a relationship like the majority of relationships, don’t date like the majority of daters. In this message, Andy Stanley gives five rules for dating.
Many times, we learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least, but we repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. So how can we ensure that the next time won’t be like the last time? Instead of being a conformer, it’s time to be a transformer.
We all have hopes and dreams, but what are we supposed to do when our hearts are broken and our dreams can’t come true? It’s tempting to take matters into our own hands, but is there a better way?
Ideal can seem out of reach, and it sometimes feels easier to put it out of sight. Part of being a parent is to point our children toward the ideal, while at the same time navigating what is real.
Moms and dads dream of a future where their kids become adults and still want to come home regularly to visit. As parents, there’s something we can do to lay the foundation for that dream to become a reality.
When our kids mess up, our tendency is to take something away from them. However, punishment shouldn't be the end goal of discipline. Restoration should be.
If your main goal is your kid's obedience, you're settling for something less than and you're setting yourself up to have anger stirred up regularly. Instead of obedience being the objective, there's a long-term target that will go a long way toward winning as a parent.
We never know what or who hangs in the balance of the decisions we make. But we do know that our decisions determine the direction and quality of our life.
The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. But when we do the hard work of being honest with ourselves, we’re on our way to not selling ourselves on a potential regret.
Your life is more than random, disconnected events. It's a story being written. Whether it's a thoughtful response or an emotionally fueled reaction, we write the stories of our lives one decision at a time.
Sometimes an option we're considering creates tension inside of us. When that happens, it can be tempting to ignore the discomfort or brush by it. But instead of doing that, we need to pay close attention to it.
It's human nature to snuggle up to the edge of irresponsibility or disaster and stay there as long as possible. But instead of wondering how close we can get before crossing the line, we need to ask ourselves perhaps the most important question we can ever ask.
There's a question you can ask yourself that will bring inescapable clarity to just about every relational decision you'll bump up against. But a word of warning: it's not for the faint of heart.
Our faith will be defined most in the seasons where life is the worst. And our faith is best when it’s fastened to actual promises, not future outcomes.
Just because God is good doesn’t mean good things will always happen. But we can trust that God is working even when we can’t see what he’s doing.
While we can’t avoid tough times, there’s something we all need in order to navigate them. It just takes time and intentionality to get it.
At one time or another, we’ve all been told we should pray. But how should we pray? Jesus’s disciples had the exact same question.
If God already knows my needs, why pray? Because the purpose of prayer is to surrender your will, not impose it.
Jesus told his followers to pray to avoid temptation. But before we can pray that with a clear conscience, there are some things we need to ask ourselves first.
We want to be open-minded, but we naturally resist things we can't control or don't understand. So how can we learn to be open to changing our ideals and beliefs, especially if we may be wrong about something? It begins with a simple prayer.
Easter 2021
We’ve all heard stories of people—or we know people—who have what appears to be unshakable faith. They have a confidence in God that informs what they do. Where does faith like that come from?
It’s one thing to believe and enjoy practical teaching. But gaining knowledge is not enough to grow our faith —applying it is.
Nothing causes us to depend on God more than pushing through our inadequacies to help other people. When we serve in a ministry we take personally, we experience God’s power and faithfulness.
Sometimes it seems God drops someone into our lives at just the right time. The defining moments and seasons of our lives usually revolve around those providential relationships.
There is no progress without discipline. And many times, what begins as an "ought to" becomes a "want to."
Wrinkle-free days usually don’t create great faith, because we don’t know what we actually believe until what we claim to believe is tested. Those unexpected things life throws our way can end up being pivotal circumstances in our faith journeys.
We all want to get the future right, and we all want to arrive safely at our intended destination. Follow these rules and you will get there on time and on purpose.
We’re using more words than ever before, and we’re thinking less about them than ever before. That's cause for concern because our words can either build someone up or tear them down.
We hold grudges for days, months, or sometimes years. And the longer we hold a grudge, the more it has a hold on us.
It’s easy to think we have someone figured out based on a few quick data points. But for us to see others the way God sees them, we have to trade in the narratives we create about people and instead get to know them.
In the early centuries of the church, Jesus followers were famous for how they loved one another. For the church to have that same reputation now, there are three areas we should pay close attention to.
Hurting someone because they hurt you doesn't end the cycle. It perpetuates it. And it makes you look like the person you dislike.
If you repay evil for evil, you will write a pretty predictable story. But there’s a way to write a remarkable one instead.
We all know desperate times call for desperate measures. Even if you turn to Jesus as a last resort, it’s not too late for him to give you a life of freedom.
When Jesus is your only hope, you may be better off than you think.
In seasons of change, it's good to remind ourselves who God is and who we are.
There are times we know we ought to do something, even when there is no written rule. That's because there is an "ought to" outside of you and over you that didn't originate with you.
Sometimes we’re willing to be bad to keep from looking bad. But when we’re more concerned about our reputations than our integrity, we eventually damage both.
There are times we know we ought to do something, even when there is no written rule. That's because there is an “ought to” that stands outside of you and over you that didn't originate with you.
The first breach of integrity makes the second breach easier. Before you know it, it becomes a pattern. But there’s a way to prevent it from starting.
It’s easy to look at the outcomes of our decisions and know if we’ve won. But the bigger win happens before you even know the outcome.
It’s possible to be a good person without doing any good, but that’s not good for anybody.
Today, we celebrate Be Rich, our annual campaign to go above and beyond in giving back to our community. Thanks to your generosity of time and money, we have a LOT to celebrate.
An obstacle can seem impossible when faced alone. But when we’re willing to be there for someone—or ask someone to be there for us—it can change everything.
From politics and culture to the church, Andy Stanley and Crawford Loritts have a candid discussion.
When it comes to repairing relationships, no one responds well to being convinced, coerced, convicted or controlled. Yet we try those approaches over and over again.
Repairing a relationship requires someone to initiate, regardless of who’s to blame for the fallout. There’s a simple prayer you can learn to help you take that first step.
Reconciliation requires an honest look in the mirror.
The more mature person typically makes the first move toward reconciliation. And that first move is rarely convenient.
Jesus didn’t come primarily to forgive. He came to be followed.
Kings don’t just have believers; they have followers.
Jesus came to interact with his people like no other king.