Home / Series / Never the Twain / Aired Order /

All Seasons

Season 1

  • S01E01 Families at War

    • September 7, 1981
    • ITV1

    The feuding fathers find out about the relationship between their son and daughter and consider taking steps to prevent a marriage.

  • S01E02 Of Meissen Men

    • September 14, 1981
    • ITV1

    Veronica appears on the scene - causing Simon and Oliver to compete for more than antiquities.

  • S01E03 A Night at the Opera

    • September 21, 1981
    • ITV1

    Veronica wants to go to the opera in Edinburgh. Simon and Oliver each compete to be her date. Simon has to find a replacement aupere.

  • S01E04 A Matched Pair

    • September 28, 1981
    • ITV1

    Oliver's antiques shop is burgled. A pair of pistols is reported missing, but when these mysteriously turn up in Simon's shop Oliver turns this misfortune into an opportunity to make money from an insurance claim. Simon is arrested when a police officer spots the pistols in his shop window. To encourage Oliver to assist him in getting the charges dropped he agrees to help Oliver get membership at his golf club.

  • S01E05 Nothing But the Truth

    • October 5, 1981
    • ITV1

    Oliver beats Simon to a painting they both want. But is it a Constable or not? David confesses propositioning another woman, jeopardising their engagement.

  • S01E06 Father of the Groom

    • October 19, 1981
    • ITV1

    Simon holds a dinner for Oliver, Lyn and David, his ulterior motive being to expose Oliver's lack of etiquette. Lyn prepares for her move into Simon and David's home. David and Lyn's wedding day arrives.

Season 2

  • S02E01 Who's Been Sleeping in My Bed?

    • September 7, 1982
    • ITV1

    Simon nominates Oliver for membership of his golf club. Oliver holds a function for the committee members to win their support. Lyn and David are on their honeymoon and return to find Oliver and Simon quarrelling over their wedding presents.

  • S02E02 As Young as You Feel

    • September 14, 1982
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver seek to win Veronica's affections. Oliver reaches the age of 50. Lyn is concerned about her father being lonely, but David is concerned about the amount of time she spends with him.

  • S02E03 A Woman's Place ...

    • September 21, 1982
    • ITV1

    David and Lyn quarrel about her taking a full-time job. Oliver seeks a new cleaner. Simon is losing to Oliver in a telephone chess game and becomes suspicious about Oliver's apparent skill at the game.

  • S02E04 Blood Brothers

    • September 28, 1982
    • ITV1

    Simon needs a blood transfusion, but he has a rare blood type. Oliver has the same blood type and agrees to donate in return for favours from Simon, including dating Veronica.

  • S02E05 lf You Knew Susan

    • October 5, 1982
    • ITV1

    Simon's sister visits him and Oliver immediately falls for her. Simon and Oliver each purchase one of a pair of figurines and then attempt to purchase the others to make a valuable pair.

  • S02E06 The More We Are Together

    • October 12, 1982
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon each separately consider reforming their partnership due to the poor state of their accounts and the imminent arrival of the taxman.

Season 3

  • S03E01 Taking Stock

    • October 10, 1983
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon have re-entered their partnership. They decide to do a stocktake. Oliver meets up with an old school friend, Bethan. Confusion ensues over a fake watch and a "pair" of candlesticks.

  • S03E02 Partners

    • October 17, 1983
    • ITV1

    Simon receives an offer for his shop. Oliver thinks that Ringo has won the pools and breaks his partnership with Simon, offering Ringo a partnership. However, thinks are not what they seem for either man.

  • S03E03 A Nose For Quality

    • October 24, 1983
    • ITV1

    Both Simon and Oliver believe that they have appointments to meet Lady Deveraux with a view to purchasing some of her antiques. But do either of them actually have the appointment that they think they have?

  • S03E04 The End Of The Line

    • October 31, 1983
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon discuss the issue of grandchildren. David claims to have had a vasectomy. Oliver and Simon join a dating agency as an alternative route to continuing their family lines.

  • S03E05 The Welsh Connection

    • November 7, 1983
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver go on a health kick. An auction in Wales causes disagreement between the two men.

  • S03E06 Not On The Same Wavelength

    • November 14, 1983
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver are invited as guests onto a radio show. The two men become convinced that Lyn is pregnant.

Season 4

  • S04E01 A Home Of Your Own

    • November 8, 1984
    • ITV1

    David and Lyn have moved to Canada. Simon needs to find someone to rent his flat quickly before his Aunt Eleanor moves in.

  • S04E02 The Royal Connection

    • November 15, 1984
    • ITV1

    Oliver attempts to gain the Royal Warrant for his shop from the Prince of Wales. Simon investigates his family tree in the hope of finding that he has blue blood.

  • S04E03 Words And Music

    • November 22, 1984
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon volunteer to perform at a Vet Circle luncheon for Caroline. But will Simon make it to the stage, and who is the canine-friendly performer?

  • S04E04 No Flame Like An Old Flame

    • November 29, 1984
    • ITV1

    Simon's life becomes complicated when an old sweetheart pays him an unexpected visit.

  • S04E05 Love's Neighbours' Lost

    • December 6, 1984
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon duel over a woman, Caroline. But they find that there is another man vying for her affections.

  • S04E06 Come Fly With Me

    • December 13, 1984
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver are in for an adventure when they book a flight to Canada.

Season 5

  • S05E01 In Whom We Tryst

    • January 8, 1986
    • ITV1

    Simon hires a beautiful young shop assistant, who then confesses her love for him and suggests they go off for the weekend. Meanwhile, Oliver gets the same invitation, but neither of them ends up meeting her...

  • S05E02 Going, Going, Gone

    • January 15, 1986
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver sneak off to an auction individually, trying to cover their true intentions to buy a grandfather clock, then end up in the same inn in the same room.

  • S05E03 Thicker Than Water

    • January 22, 1986
    • ITV1

    Simon admits he is an orphan to Oliver, but he may have just run into his long lost parents...

  • S05E04 Kung Who

    • January 29, 1986
    • ITV1

    Oliver lives to regret his decision to take up judo

  • S05E05 Reading Between The Lines

    • February 5, 1986
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver plot to thwart a real-estate agent's plans to destroy their neighborhood.

  • S05E06 Definitely Not Cricket

    • February 12, 1986
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver are invited to play cricket for the local team.

Season 6

  • S06E01 Feed A Cold

    • January 15, 1987
    • ITV1

    Simon has a cold and Oliver offers to look after him.

  • S06E02 Going To Pot

    • January 22, 1987
    • ITV1

    Ringo decides to get some culture. After meeting one of his teachers, Simon and Oliver are pleased to accept his invitation to dinner and Simon makes a discovery in the kitchen cupboard.

  • S06E03 Love ls A Many Splendoured Thing

    • January 29, 1987
    • ITV1

    Oliver has fallen in love, however trouble arises after he meets his future mother-in-law.

  • S06E04 A Night To Remember

    • February 5, 1987
    • ITV1

    Burglars are in the neighbourhood, leading to an eventful night for the two households.

  • S06E05 The Battle Of Deveraux Dale

    • February 12, 1987
    • ITV1

    Lady Deveraux asks Simon and Oliver to take part in a historical re-enactment of a Civil War battle, the battle of Deveraux Dale, at the village fete. On the opposing side is the bookie, Bernie Miller, who has a score to settle.

  • S06E06 Affair of the Heart

    • February 19, 1987
    • ITV1

    Simon's ex-wife Stephanie arrives unexpectedly.

Season 7

  • S07E01 Settled Out Of Court

    • January 27, 1988
    • ITV1

    A legal dispute arises between the two antique dealers following an incident in Oliver's shop.

  • S07E02 The Wagers Of Sin

    • March 3, 1988
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon decide to have a wager on who can make the most profit on an item chosen by the other.

  • S07E03 Betrothed, Bothered And Bewildered

    • February 10, 1988
    • ITV1

    After a boozy night out, Banks remembers that he has proposed to Mrs Sadler. However, neither wants to go through with it, although they don't know that.

  • S07E04 The Second Time Around

    • February 17, 1988
    • ITV1

    Mrs Sadler is missing Banks. Fortunately, there is a happy ending for both of them.

  • S07E05 Born To Blush Unseen

    • February 24, 1988
    • ITV1

    Gardening Time. Oliver has something to show from his gardening efforts.

  • S07E06 Fasten Your Seat Belts

    • March 2, 1988
    • ITV1

    Simon and Oliver board a plane for Canada.

Season 8

  • S08E01 Grandfathers-In-Law

    • October 24, 1988
    • ITV1

    Lyn and David, with their baby Martin, return from Canada, causing great excitement to Simon and Oliver. However, the grandfathers have to learn to cope with the baby more than they had anticipated.

  • S08E02 Nursery Times

    • October 31, 1988
    • ITV1

    Lyn and David are looking for a flat while staying at Simon's house. But Oliver would like them to stay with him too.

  • S08E03 Whose Baby?

    • November 7, 1988
    • ITV1

    The christening is scheduled and Stephanie, Simon's ex, is invited, causing anxiety for both Simon and Oliver.

  • S08E04 Never Say Die

    • November 14, 1988
    • ITV1

    Simon has to go into hospital but confusion arises.

  • S08E05 Moving On

    • November 21, 1988
    • ITV1

    The house-hunting by Lyn and David reaches a conclusion. It causes Simon and Oliver to think about their own situation.

  • S08E06 It's A Long Way To Friern Barnet

    • November 28, 1988
    • ITV1

    Lyn and David move to their new flat. Oliver and Simon decide to help them by redecorating the flat.

Season 9

  • S09E01 Just The Ticket

    • September 6, 1989
    • ITV1

    A series of mishaps contribute to a difficult day for Simon and, especially, Oliver.

  • S09E02 A Point Of Honour

    • September 13, 1989
    • ITV1

    Simon advertises for an assistant for his shop but runs into trouble after interviewing one applicant.

  • S09E03 A New Lease Of Life

    • September 20, 1989
    • ITV1

    Simon is feeling melancholic and decides to make a big change to his life.

  • S09E04 Aspects Of Love

    • September 27, 1989
    • ITV1

    Simon arouses Oliver's suspicions and, in turn, Oliver is the subject of a rumour. These lead to gossip in the village.

  • S09E05 Neighbours

    • October 4, 1989
    • ITV1

    Simon holds a meeting of the Residents' Association. There is a new resident who is about to move in and this leads to a sleepless night for both Simon and Oliver.

  • S09E06 Bonjour Paris

    • October 11, 1989
    • ITV1

    Off to Paris but soon they are in trouble at the restaurant and with the police, also causing a lot of trouble to an embassy official.

  • S09E07 A Winter's Tale

    • December 28, 1989
    • ITV1

    Christmas time. Simon and Oliver volunteer to keep watch overnight in the local church.

Season 10

  • S10E01 X Marks The Spot

    • September 5, 1990
    • ITV1

    Oliver and Simon both decide to stand for election to the local Council.

  • S10E02 S.W.A.L.K.

    • September 12, 1990
    • ITV1

    Simon has a female pen-pal who he is looking forward to meeting, with a view to marriage. However, the reality is different.

  • S10E03 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

    • September 19, 1990
    • ITV1

    Both Oliver and Simon are doing the pools and hope to win big. After Oliver makes a mistake, Simon takes the opportunity to have some fun.

  • S10E04 Happy Holiday

    • September 26, 1990
    • ITV1

    A weekend away for Simon and Oliver in Ringo's mother's country cottage. Trouble is that it's the wrong weekend.

  • S10E05 There But For The Grace Of God

    • October 3, 1990
    • ITV1

    Simon comes across an old acquaintance who is down on their luck.

  • S10E06 A Car By Any Other Name

    • October 10, 1990
    • ITV1

    The vicar wants to sell his car and gets Simon to help, while Oliver is also selling his car. A confusing time is the result.

Season 11

  • S11E01 Viva Espana

    • September 4, 1991
    • ITV1

    Ringo wins a holiday in a competition and they all go to Spain.

  • S11E02 The Best Laid Plans

    • September 11, 1991
    • ITV1

    It is the 10th anniversary of the two antique dealers being in business; they decide to go out to have a meal and visit the theatre. But they encounter some difficulties.

  • S11E03 Born Again

    • September 18, 1991
    • ITV1

    Simon is searching for the meaning of life and thinks he has found it after listening to a preacher in the park. Oliver, however, sees a business opportunity.

  • S11E04 There Goes The Bride

    • September 25, 1991
    • ITV1

    Aunt Eleanor decides to get married after a whirlwind romance.

  • S11E05 Two Fools And Their Money

    • October 2, 1991
    • ITV1

    Both Simon and Oliver are in financial difficulties and decide to approach their bank manager.

  • S11E06 The First Of The Queue

    • October 9, 1991
    • ITV1

    Oliver tells Simon about a bargain in a shop, which leads to extraordinary efforts by the two to be first in the queue to buy it.