The Lubbock clan make it to Eureka, California, where Graham's accepting a coaching job at St Auggie's Academy -- but the family's in for some surprises. First, the Coach learns that the university is an all-boys school – which his daughters will be attending. Then they arrive at their new run-down home, and find it ""looks like something out of Nightmare on Elm Street."" But the biggest surprise is that Graham only got the job because his former student, Duane Johnson, works on the faculty, and has been corresponding with Elizabeth.
The first day at school is culture shock for everyone, particularly the girls, who are fawned after by the entire student body. But the young men soon back away from the girls when JR tries to impress two guys by revealing that Coach Lubbock killed a kid in New York "just to watch him die."
For his birthday, Graham receives an unsigned brown-paper-wrapped shoebox containing $1,233, but is reluctant to keep it. He suspects that it came from friends who wanted to help with the moving expenses – unaware that Cindy had raffled herself off for a date with the young men of St. Auggies.
While the coach is away, the girls will play! Graham and Elizabeth go on a camping trip, leaving eldest daughter Marie in charge. But Marie has trouble controlling Cindy and Wendy – who invite over a bunch of guys.
Graham intercepts a note that's being passed around the class, which boasts about a guy having been out with "the hottest Lubbock babe" the previous night. Of course the hot-tempered Coach flips out, particularly when he learns that three of his daughters were out on dates the night before.
The girls are each to get jobs to help bring in some extra cash. Connie ends up in a meat packing plant; Marie becomes a volenteer; Cindy gets exploited for her beauty at a job as a receptionist at a health club; and Wendy is too distracted by shopping to look for work.
Elizabeth becomes convinced that she was having a conversation with God, though no one believes her. That is, until a tree crashes through a bedroom window, where the kids would have been, had she not forced them to start praying. . .
After letting it slip that she's going out with a guy named Bill, Wendy cruises the library and gets a guy named Ed to play Bill, so he can pass Graham's ""Dinner Test"" -- where Graham tests the boyfriend to see if he's worthy of taking out his daughter.
When Graham falls through the already-broken porch railing, he conducts a trial with his children to find out who broke it.
Wendy steals Elizabeth's I.D. and Cindy steals Marie's so that the underage duo can sneak into an exclusive dance club. The bouncer has problems believing that Wendy's in her forties, so Cindy is the only one that gets in. Meanwhile, Marie finds herself tutoring (and falling for) Father Hargis's nephew, Damien, whom the coach has never met. So when Cindy's date from the club shows up asking for Marie, disaster is inevitable.
Graham tries to keep it a secret from the kids that he's going into the hospital for hemorrhoid surgery. But when the girls get wind of his hospital stay, they assume he's dying -- and they spread the news of his failing health to everyone at St Auggie's.
Graham's plans for buying an organ for Elizabeth are altered when the transmission goes out on the station wagon. Frustrated, Graham decides to sell the car for organ money, unaware that the girls have raised the money to fix the transmission.
The girls are finally allowed to participate in Phys Ed, much to their dismay. When Graham realizes Wendy can run fast, he talks her into joining the track team -- much to J.R.'s dismay.
Connie gets the opportunity to write for St. Augie's literary journal. After overcoming her writers-block, she finally writes a paper that gets published. . .but the paper gets recalled when Father Hargis deems it pornography.
On report card day, Graham convinces Wendy that she's tested in the genius range on IQ tests to increase her learning potential. When Sherrie gets wind of this news, she breaks into the school records and discovers that she herself is not the genius she was always told she was.
Introducing the Lubbock Babes! The girls record a record of ""Rock Around the Clock"" for fun. But when Graham tells them they could never make a living singing, they decide to prove him wrong. Unbeknownst to their parents, the girls end up headlining in a local resturaunt.
When Wendy gets suspended from school, for cutting classes, her punishment is taking over Elizabeth's housewife duties for a day. Wendy thinks she can do it all in one day and have two left over to relax. After an exhausting day of chores and a freak-out when little Harvey wanders off, Wendy learns how hard it really is to fill her mother's shoes.
The Coach lets a non-English speaking foreign exchange student stay in their home. But after the lights go out, all of the teen girls, including Marie, sneak into his bedroom and throw themselves at him.
While her sisters are yapping in her ear, Marie accidentally taps Father Hargis's car and sends it rolling into the campus pool. But when Father Hargis finds his car underwater and flips out, no one wants to fess up to what happened.
Connie gets the opportunity to write a review of the school's stage production of ""Death of a Salesman"" for the newspaper, which Cindy is starring in with Gavin Doosler. After gritting her teeth through the awful performance, she writes two reviews -- a nice one and a scathing one. Guess which one gets used. . .
Marie meets a guy at a party who she's interested in -- but her sisters complain that Russell's too much of a nerd. Marie opts to take her sisters' advice and ignore him, until she has a heartfelt talk with Elizabeth, who encourages her to give him a chance.
A position opens at the campus radio station, and Cindy decides to try to get the job -- though no one thinks she can get it. Graham intended to try to get her the job, but he doesn't have a chance to talk to Father Bud, so Cindy gets the job on her own merits. But then it comes out that Graham got her the job, leading Cindy to doubt her own potential.
After failing to scare his sisters with his monster make-up, JR inadvertantly impresses a girl scout, who accidentally breaks all of her cookies. J.R. is smitten, so he decides to ask the girl out. . .so he asks advice from his sisters.
After 8 weeks of performing at Danny's, the Lubbock Babes each fantasize about being rich and famous. Marie dreams of singing for the Pope; Wendy dreams of working on a sitcom; Cindy dreams of finding the man of her dreams; and Connie dreams of singing in Paris.
Wendy and Cindy go out on a double-date. But Cindy's date, Cort, is more interested in Wendy than the girl on his arm. Cort breaks a date to go to an Oingo Boingo concert with Cindy and takes Wendy instead. Marie realizes what's going on, so she coaxes Cindy into giving Wendy a taste of her own medicine by going out with Wendy's boyfriend, Blitz.
When the family is offered free food from the government, Graham doesn't want to accept charity. So unbeknownst to everyone but Connie, Graham takes a job working at Burger Barn – under supervisor Gavin Doosler.
J.R. and Sherrie get in a fight in the closet under the staircase and break all of Elizabeth's china. In order to replace the broken dishes, the pair take to selling candy bars, which they are supposed to be selling for school -- but they up the prices.
Graham and Cindy decide to go on a diet together -- and Elizabeth makes sure they both stick to it.
After a show, a tall-dark-and-handsome stranger buys Wendy a beer and the two go for a joyride. The joy, however, quickly turns to despair when the guy stops at a convenience store -- and robs it. The survaillance tape shows that Wendy didn't have anything to do with the actual robbery, but she doesn't understand why her actions were wrong. So Graham and Elizabeth spend the entire night trying to get through to Wendy that she made bad decisions that had an effect on the outcome of the evening. All the while, Wendy contends that she's innocent.
Marie and Elizabeth travel to a convent for a two-week trial, but on the way Elizabeth begins to suspect Marie's only doing it to please her.
St Auggie's holds a variety show and the Lubbock clan participate. The Lubbock Babes do thier usual performance, JR and Sherrie do a magic show, and Graham does a comedy routine. . .despite his stage fright.
Connie gets a crush on her poetry teacher. So she's exstatic when he invites her to a poetry festival -- unbeknownst to her, to babysit.
Graham sets Wendy up on a date with a scout leader. Wendy retaliates by trying to unleash the animal inside of him.
Gavin Doosler is depressed that he can't go on the annual ski trip -- instead he'll be spending his break at his parents beach house in the Virgin Islands. When the girls get wind of this, of course they want to go to comfort him -- too bad his parents say the three of them ""are too sleazy to hang out with."" But since his parents love Marie, Wendy tells him that Marie has a crush on him. Marie, who was excited about the ski trip, is told that Gavin is dying. So the four girls head off in their winter attire (except Cindy, who foolishly leaves the house in her beach clothes) and they and Gavin are off on a private plane to the beach. Things are going well at first, until the clueless Sister Ethel reveals that the girls never arrived. (Part One of Two)
To recap, the girls snuck off to the beach with Gavin Doosler, instead of partaking in the annual ski trip. Marie was told that Gavin was dying, and Gavin was told that Marie had a crush on him. So when the two realize that neither has the same intentions for their trip, they decide to pay back the three decietful sisters -- they pretend to be in love. Back at home, Graham and Elizabeth freak out after Sister Ethel tells them that the girls never arrived. (Part Two of Two)
Connie ends up wearing a costume to the Medieval Ball that enhances her cleavage. When she gets asked out on a date, she ponders if the guy wants to date her -- or if he only liked her for her padding.
Cindy resists the advances of a guy she's dating -- by breaking his arm.
When a patron at Danny's drops dead at Marie's feet during her solo, she blames herself for killing him. It makes matters worse when Marie learns that this man who she never knew left her all his worldly possessions. After being confused about the direction of her life is headed, Marie determines that her purpose in life is ""to please men. . .""
JR, feeling that he's being overshadowed by his sisters, tries to make his mark by spray-painting ""Ratboy Lives"" on the side of the gym.
When Graham finds a cigarette in the basement, he drills the kids to find out who it belonged to. He immediately suspects Wendy. . .but he never suspects it could have been Sherrie's. . .
Graham and J.R. go to the store for groceries and come back with a cow. When the girls learn that Graham's bought it to slaughter, they resort to drastic measures -- getting the cow pregnant.