A strict hot-headed zombie (his head is stitched together at the top, making his brain removable) who works as a gym teacher. He is categorized by Crone as a "human-hater." Coach Cadaver dislikes Schneider's students (calling them "misfits") as well as Schneider himself (whose hiring he opposed). His attitude is generally disliked by the Gravedale faculty as opposed to Schenider's easygoing demeanor.