Episode 2

Stew & Rich start the show with the terrible news that Michael Jackson is back in town, and, talking of people who've got away with very serious crimes - Rich refers to the documentary that was on in the week about the diaries of Jack the Ripper. Rich is convinced that the diaries are genuine. His basis for that decision? The first fifty pages had been ripped out - he just can't resist ripping things can Jack the Ripper. Stew isn't so sure. Jack the Ripper was a master criminal, after all, he wouldn't leave a diary lying around - and if he had, it would have been a decoy diary. Containing stuff like "Tuesday. I didn't kill anyone today in a bizarre ritual murder, and I wasn't sexually excited by it when I did it, because I didn't even do it. I'm not Jack the Ripper, I wasn't there." American movie producers, Seahand & Zemquitt, are up next telling how they'd recently been offered a script for a film called "Jurassic Park". But they didn't like the format. Get rid of the dinosaurs, replace them with a pack of dogs - and don't set it on an island. No, use a suburban street. And don't call it "Jurassic Park". Call it "Beethoven's Second". And then, then - you have a hit on your hands. Or do you? Getting back to topical stuff, Rich notices that this week has seen "Shrove Tuesday", the annual festival when people prepare for the abstinence of lent by eating all the leftover batter in their houses. Stew is unimpressed. "But it's tradition" pleads Rich. No. It's not a tradition, Pancake Tuesday was invented in 1978 by pancake industry fat cats in an attempt to make gullible people like Rich eat more pancakes. Rich corrects him, informing him that it is actually a religious festival that was invented by Satan in AD 42 when he tempted Jesus in the desert. With a pancake. He then ventures into the audience, dishing pancakes out to anyone who will have them, and some that won't. However, Jarvis Cocker - lead singer of the band Pulp - foils Rich's pancake-based gen