The Onion is one of the smartest and funniest voices out there, so I once again reacted to a bunch of their medical headlines and articles. Today we talk about the CDC, ribs, sumo wrestling, Jimmy Carter, boxing gloves, surgery, sports injuries, morticians, zombies, Dr. Scholl’s, opioids, crossfit, babies, my strange addiction, fetuses, kid’s toys, doctors without borders, aliens, Elon Musk, HIPAA, smallpox, rinderpest, psoas muscles, billboards, conor mcgregor, shapewear, spanx, goop, gwenyth paltrow, cryosleep, and detox teas.