This weekend we're welcoming back the show that has the monopoly on lurid violence, epic battles, and wholly unnecessary nudity: Game of Thrones. George R.R. Martin's ability to describe the crunching of a skull is rivaled only by his ability to describe the crunching of a pastry, so it's only fitting that this sexy saga is home to some serious food porn. And revenge porn. And porn porn. I'm a main character in this show, so my life is decidedly in danger this week. **I can't believe I should have to mention this, but do not actually ingest strychnine. It's poison. It was a joke. Don't be stupid.**