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All Seasons

Season 2024

  • S2024E01 We're back to steal Coast Guard valor - Cold Fear Gameplay Part 1

    • May 13, 2024

    Just when we thought we were out, the Coast Guard pulled us back in! Welcome to Astrogoblin. It's a Cold Fear gameplay channel until Patrick doesn't want to play anymore.

  • S2024E02 Proud members of the US Swamp Guard - Cold Fear Gameplay Part 2

    • May 20, 2024

    Three backwoods hicks deciding what's Shrek and what's not Shrek? That's classic Astrogoblin.

  • S2024E03 Charlie and the Coast Guard Factory - Cold Fear Gameplay Part 3

    • May 27, 2024

    Patrick's patience for Coast Guard antics has been pushed to the bursting point.

  • S2024E04 Channeling our Inner Shadow Man w/ Lawrence Sonntag

    • May 31, 2024

    Behold, the first of many Friday videos to come, and the beginning of a full playthrough of Shadow Man. Who better to be the harbinger of our weekend's eve jaunt than the Quintessential Gamer himself.

  • S2024E05 How to Survive a Broken Game - Dark Void Gameplay

    • June 3, 2024

    Bienvenido al comienzo del arco Dark Void de Astrogoblin, presentado por nuestra configuración de audio anterior. ¡Que terrible!

  • S2024E06 Looking for Yogurt Males in Shadow Man

    • June 7, 2024

    Lawrence is here to take us all on a deep dive into the sexy world of semi-solid dairy goop.

  • S2024E07 You Can't Buy this Game Anymore

    • June 10, 2024

    This game bears the moniker "Dark Void," but as goblins we should look within to discover where the true Dark Void lies. Is it the aching pit at the bottom of our distended stomachs? Is it gap between the dull throbs that push blood through our clotted veins? Perhaps you will find the answers you seek at the end of this video...

  • S2024E08 Why did Ryan bring LUBE

    • June 14, 2024

    Terah and Jacob recently discovered that Ryan was living in the walls of their home. We decided to make some videos for old times' sake until the authorities arrive!

  • S2024E09 Warner Brothers Can't Fire Hitman

    • June 17, 2024

    In 2024, a crack content creation unit was fired by a Rooster Teeth for having low views. These three promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by Warner Brothers, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a game that needs to be played, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire Astrogoblin.

  • S2024E10 Ryan Hailey Hijacks our Video

    • June 21, 2024

    Review of 1997's 'Ernest Goes to Africa - 1/5 Stars "Memorable movie. Or about as memorable as anything can be on a Thursday at 3 am in your friend's basement. Still rubbish though. I would've just left the girl in Africa, as she was annoying as sh*t. Ernest was annoying as sh*t too though, so... Pretty funny dancing/yo-yo scene though. Probably the only rewindable moment."

  • S2024E11 British Accents are Easy, Innit

    Jonathan Vincent Voight is an American actor. He has received numerous accolades, including an Academy Award, a British Academy Film Award, and four Golden Globe Awards as well as nominations for four Primetime Emmy Awards. He has also starred in five Baby Geniuses movies

  • S2024E12 Jacob's Trump is scary good

    • June 28, 2024

    So I said, ‘There’s a Shadow Man 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards, or here. Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking? Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the Shadow Man and not get electrocuted?’ Because I will tell you, he didn’t know the answer.

  • S2024E13 Easiest Elden Ring DLC Ever

    • July 1, 2024

    Curse you Elden Ring! I hereby vow! You will rue this day! Behold, a true warrior! And I, Patrick! (and Jacob and Charlotte) Your fears made flesh! Solid of content you might be, foul DLC... But I will riddle with holes your rotten hide! With a hail of harpoons! With every last drop of my being!

  • S2024E14 The REAL Reason We Got Fired

    • July 5, 2024

    Dude Hyetta! Don't eat those grapes, they're eyeballs!

  • S2024E15 We Hate Working Together

    • July 8, 2024

    Oh these? These are the chains I forged in life. But dude! Ebenezer! You should see yours haha

  • S2024E16 The Last Astrogoblin Video

    • July 12, 2024

    Corteo, which means "cortege" in Italian, is a joyous procession, a festive parade imagined by a clown. The show brings together the passion of the actor with the grace and power of the acrobat to plunge the audience into a theatrical world of fun, comedy and spontaneity situated in a mysterious space between heaven and earth.

  • S2024E17 We Made Patrick in Elden Ring

    • July 15, 2024

    One-Handed Gooner Guide - How to build a One-Handed Gooner (Elden Ring) In this Elden Ring Build Guide, I’ll be showing you my Gooner build. This is a Shadow of the Erdtree build that takes place after level 150. If you’ve been looking for a build that focuses on strong forearms, degradation, and weeks of retention, then you might want to check this out!

  • S2024E18 Elyse Willems shows us how it's done - Shadow Man Part 7

    • July 19, 2024

    I yearn to turn Jacob's bathing tub into a veritable mud soup of droppings and tinkles. A bath that cleans not, but as a rule dirties further? Is that a Nobel prize I hear calling on the breeze?

  • S2024E19 We Crashed James Willems' Stream

    • July 22, 2024

    You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell! Also your paws are stinky!

  • S2024E20 Alanah Pearce Roasts Our Channel - Shadow Man Part 8

    • July 26, 2024

    After conducting multiple bone density tests, it has been determined that Alanah and Ryan's combined levels are equal to one Patrick.

  • S2024E21 Alanah has never seen a movie

    • July 29, 2024

    Patrick was eaten by a dingo, so we do this in his honor.

  • S2024E22 DON'T SMOKE NUTMEG!

    • August 2, 2024

    Just because your buddy Steve told you that you could get high on Home Depot seeds, doesn't mean you should.

  • S2024E23 We lost everything.

    • August 5, 2024

    The more Charlotte loves Hitman, the more it hates her back. Hitman Blood Money - Part 2

  • S2024E24 No one cares about Robert Downey Jr.

    • August 9, 2024

    The cup has filled to the brim and only the faintest surface tension keeps it from spilling over. Is the end nigh? Shadow Man Part 11

  • S2024E25 Charlotte Can't Do This Anymore

    • August 12, 2024

    The human form... perfected

  • S2024E26 We got jobs!

    • August 14, 2024

    We are the dog. The big bad dog. ROHROHROHROHRO-

  • S2024E27 Patrick snapped

    • August 16, 2024

    Little to nothing is stated about Aisha’s childhood besides from her association with swimming and that her parents' hydroelectric company supplies half of the Otherworld's energy supply. She also once flooded her entire secondary school after she failed a math test, and wadded through human poo. Shadow Man Part 12

  • S2024E28 We're in a game!

    • August 19, 2024

    Three goblins did wobble as they take their first steps across the unforgiving tundra of an alien landscape. With the world behind them in flames, for whom do they wobble? Do they wobble for their goblin mothers? For their goblin priests? Their goblin sommeliers? It doesn't matter. Wobble on they must. Nothing stands behind.

  • S2024E29 We’re making some changes.

    • August 23, 2024

    Jet Li: Rise to Honor Part 1 We can't wait to play all these PS2 games with our fully functional PS2 on which our livelihoods depend!

  • S2024E30 It's... a Ubisoft Game - Star Wars Outlaws PREVIEW

    • August 26, 2024

    Abeloth, self-styled as the Beloved Queen of the Stars and also known as the Bringer of Chaos and the Destructor, was an extremely powerful Force entity. Her dark side powers and immortality derived from her being corrupted by drinking from the Font of Power and bathing in the Pool of Knowledge. She first lived as the Servant, a mortal woman who served the powerful Ones on a jungle planet over a hundred thousand years before the Battle of Yavin. She eventually became the Mother, keeping the peace between the Father's warring Son and Daughter as a part of the family. However, she grew old while the Father and their children did not, and she feared she would lose her precious family. In a desperate attempt to hold onto the life she so loved, she drank from the Font of Power and bathed in the Pool of Knowledge. Her actions corrupted her, transforming the Mother into the twisted, immortal entity known as Abeloth.

  • S2024E31 This is a dumb game for babies

    • August 30, 2024

    Zoomers will never understand what it was like to buy a mock-stock-mibble-bock-wopper-bopper off a sea pervert. Also 9/11.

  • S2024E32 We're in a polycule

    • September 2, 2024

    -Pot roast shaak round -soy sauce -garlic -cavatelli -olive oil -pearl onions -kale -rainbow carrots -Panko breadcrumbs

  • S2024E33 We didn't earn any of this

    • September 6, 2024

    Li is a master of several styles of wushu, especially changquan and fanziquan. He has also studied other arts including baguazhang, tai chi, xingyiquan, drunken boxing, Eagle Claw, and Praying Mantis. He did not learn Nanquan ("Southern Boxing"), because his training focused only in the Northern Shaolin Styles. He has also mastered wushu's main weapons, such as Sanjiegun (Three Section Staff), Gun, Dao (Broadsword), Jian (Straight Sword).

  • S2024E34 Patrick might actually kill her

    • September 9, 2024

    I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, "PUT THE MIC DOWN." I fear something terrible has happened.

  • S2024E35 MAKE GTA V AGAIN

    • September 11, 2024

    "They're eating the dogs! The people that came in. They're eating the cats! They're eating, they're eating the pets of the people that live there."

  • S2024E36 Bring Back Old New Funhaus

    • September 13, 2024

    As the Clone Wars escalated, Wat Tambor took an interest in the captive ARC trooper CT-1409, who had been captured during a battle in the Citadel but was presumed dead by the Republic. Tambor kept an unconscious Echo in a stasis chamber and managed to extract information from Echo's mind to use as an algorithm consisting of strategies devised by Echo and the Clone Captain CT-7567. While officially professing the Techno Union's neutrality, Tambor had sold the algorithm to the Separatist Admiral Trench, who used it to great effect during the Battle of Anaxes to invade the Republic world of Anaxes. Tambor's dealings with the Separatists were exposed by a Republic infiltration team consisting of Rex, Clone Force 99, and the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker.

  • S2024E37 Charlotte eats raw chicken

    • September 16, 2024

    Side effects of eating raw chicken include diarrhea (possibly bloody), fever, stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, salmonella, bleeding maw, bonewrack, brittle coma, chronopox, and churning lung.

  • S2024E38 IGN broke our computer

    • September 20, 2024

    Our intrepid reporter in the field, Ryan Hailey, returns with his take on American sports legend, Joey Chestnut. No one will remember the name of Lou Gehrig.

  • S2024E39 Star Wars was always bad

    • September 23, 2024

    two losers push themselves to the limit to find out who knows more about fake stuff

  • S2024E40 He removed her hands and face?

    • September 27, 2024

    Have you ever heard the tragedy of Nim Chimpsky, the dumb ape?

  • S2024E41 The boys get yelled at

    • September 30, 2024

    Okay, so what, you're telling me there's these guys right? These weird guys who are big or small or hairy or a bug and you're telling me they're real. Okay. Does kussie know cressie? Who's friends with Gorp? Is Jon Voight a crypt did?

  • S2024E42 Kickin' ass and sniffin' feet

    • October 4, 2024

    KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! A BUSINESS CANNOT KICK YOU OUT FOR HAVING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE PIGGIES EXPOSED UNLESS IT IS EXPLICITLY STATED IN COMPANY POLICY. MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO LEAVE FOUR DIFFERENT RESTAURANTS TODAY BECAUSE WE REFUSE TO COVER OUR FILTHY WIGGLERS!

  • S2024E43 Is the AI art in this game actually good?

    • October 7, 2024

    Jacob and Charlotte's attempts to trap Patrick in a cage, box, or small animal enclosure have been unsuccessful as of late. Please leave your suggestions for trapping a feral Patrick in the comments below.

  • S2024E44 Patrick's worst take yet

    • October 11, 2024

    Progressive insurance.

  • S2024E45 Charlotte might actually kill him

    • October 14, 2024

    Patrick is hungee and has chosen violence.

  • S2024E46 We’re out of money.

    • October 18, 2024

    never stop gambling

  • S2024E47 Ryan Hailey likes to trap strangers

    • October 21, 2024

    This is an amazing movie to watch. Ween makes an appearance in this film!! People tend to give this a lower rating but those people clearly have no sense of humor. This movie is super hilarious and really goofy. This is a movie that everyone should watch at least once in their lives.

  • S2024E48 Who broke Patrick’s nose?

    • October 25, 2024

    Ryan Hailey is also here to bring you an important Arkansas restaurant rec.

  • S2024E49 Please give us jobs.

    • October 28, 2024

    Legend says that if you find every Arby's in Ohio, you are granted one wish ... but be careful what you wish for

  • S2024E50 This never happened at Funhaus

    • November 1, 2024

    Let it be known: JACOB CANNOT READ. Do not believe his lies.

  • S2024E51 They finally broke Charlotte

    • November 4, 2024

    As we watch Patrick virtually gorge himself on greasy innards of some hapless creature, perhaps we should ponder who the true monster is, and how his skin would look as a shirt+vest+hat combo.

  • S2024E52 Patrick's new (dead) dog

    • November 8, 2024

    Shiver me timbers! These three scoundrels be setting sail with the comeliest wench this side of Tortuga!

  • S2024E53 Why we got suspended.

    • November 11, 2024

    If you needed more proof that God and all his Saints frown upon Astrogoblin, look no further. We have strayed beyond the light of all that is holy. May we find ourselves in darkness, for darkness is all we have now.

  • S2024E54 BioWare needs more sliders

    • November 15, 2024

    When Charlotte and Patrick come over, I greet them with a convivial "andaran atish’an" and then they strike be with canes.

  • S2024E55 We Played... Every. Single. Wordle.

    • November 18, 2024

    it's a fine game, but after a certain point it just felt like you had to play it because everyone else in the office was playing it. In general I would say I like word games, but if I'm forced to play something every day eventually I'm gonna grow to resent it. I guess what I'm saying is everything in moderation.

  • S2024E56 This 20 year old game ruined our video

    • November 22, 2024

    Oh Suuuusan you've gone and mucked up the Astrogoblin's recording! Good heavens, Suuusan, Mr. Brown is going to be awfully cross with you. He may even unleach his fowl beasts upon you, Suusan!

  • S2024E57 Yo-yos were the worst part of the 90s

    • November 25, 2024

    Members of our Patreon will receive navigational coordinates to a location where they can give us wedgies, swirlies, and a locker to shove us in.

  • S2024E58 Charlotte tries to play a videogame

    • November 29, 2024

    Did you know Will Poulter is in the third Narnia movie? Has anyone seen that one? I watched them after we did the first video. He’s really annoying, truly awful, does a really weird accent the whole time.

  • S2024E59 These conservative movie reviews are INSANE

    • December 2, 2024

    Yuck. Extremely demonic. They were recording in a room filled with TOYS for CHILDREN??!! Extremely ugly and satanic looking with a misshapen hat on one's head. Very large and scary looking. Nondescript white guy, trans person, racially ambiguous dude, all kinds of demonic stuff. I’m so glad I didn’t take any kids to this “Gaming” YouTube channel. Ugh. Consisted of seed jokes and niche pop culture references, more seed jokes, weird opinion, seed seed seed, goblin etc. wish I hadn’t gone.

  • S2024E60 He's going to get us canceled

    • December 6, 2024

    Beavers have caster sacks near the base of their tail that produce a yellowish goo called castorium. They use castorium to scent mark their territory and communicate with other beavers.

  • S2024E61 We’re gonna get sued

    • December 9, 2024

    Legend says that if you can find and subdue a Santa Claus, and if you've been very nice, he will grant you your hearts desire.

  • S2024E62 We honestly didn't know he could do that

    • December 13, 2024

    The old title wasn't performing great but it's too good to not enshrine in the description. "That mouth belongs in a museum" - ca. 2024, Astromus Goblinus

  • S2024E63 Spending $100 on Temu is harder than you think

    • December 16, 2024

    Get your daddy a brand new scythe for his backyard, or maybe a pair of motion sickness goggles for your eldest sister. The problem of Christmas can be solved if you watch this video!

  • S2024E64 Funhaus was holding us back

    • December 20, 2024

    When interviewed by John Johnson in 1988, John Stewart expressed regret for writing the Black Belt article on Dux's alleged Kumite victory. He described himself as naive for believing Dux, saying that after the story was published he received information that "raised questions about Dux's military career". Jim Coleman, then editor of Black Belt, added that Dux's story was "based on false premises" and there was no evidence of the Kumite. Kenneth Wilson from the Ministry of Sports in The Bahamas disputed the existence of the Kumite, saying it was impossible a martial arts tournament of that scale could have been kept a secret. According to Johnson, an invoice for the organization that allegedly staged the Kumite listed Dux as its only point of contact, and the base of the trophy he claims to have won was bought by him at a local trophy store. Dux told Johnson to speak to a man named Richard Robinson, whom he said he had met at the Kumite. Robinson initially confirmed Dux's story, saying

  • S2024E65 The internet of your childhood is dead

    • December 23, 2024

    Patrick is chaotic evil given life. From the moment he asks to sit in the driver's seat, he is scheming to destroy this video. To take what makes a video enjoyable and to make it filth. Painful, raw filth. Enjoy!

  • S2024E66 We don't make a good team

    • December 27, 2024

    In 2016, Bashir was ranked as the 25th most important character of Starfleet within the Star Trek science fiction universe by Wired magazine. In 2016, SyFy ranked Bashir as the fifth best of the seven main-cast space doctors of the Star Trek franchise. In 2018, CBR ranked Bashir the 16th best Starfleet character of Star Trek. In 2018, The Wrap placed Bashir as 15th out 39 in a ranking of main cast characters of the Star Trek franchise prior to Star Trek: Discovery.

  • S2024E67 The end of this video is a disaster

    • December 30, 2024

    We passed the test!

Season 2025

  • S2025E01 How Jacob became our boss

    • January 3, 2025

    Some say Jacob is still in that cutscene, talking to NPCs rendered in a game engine developed over a decade ago.

  • S2025E02 Look what she does to him

    • January 6, 2025

    You know how we like talking about dog death? this video has a lot of it. there's also a really cool image of a gladiator arena with dudes fighting dinosaurs and giants, at least watch until then. also check out Noah (2014) while you're at it

  • S2025E03 This new take of his is insane

    • January 10, 2025

    Once upon a time we would have titled this video, "Tom Handsome and the Charlie Factory" or "Oompa Loompa for sale, never topped." You really don't know it's the good old days until they're over, huh?

  • S2025E04 These Conservative movie reviews are demented

    • January 13, 2025

    While Mel Gibson was filming Monster Summer in Southport, North Carolina he was awarded the keys to the city by the Mayor who declared December 16 to be "Mel Gibson Day".

  • S2025E05 My two dads are trying to kill me

    • January 17, 2025

    we didn't know that the Titanic split in half until 1985. Isn't that weird? if you watch any of the older Titanic movies it just kind of slips into the water, fully intact, which is way less scary

  • S2025E06 How to break into a 2nd story bedroom

    • January 20, 2025

    Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Me and Steve-O are gonna get laid off from Warner Bros. Discovery and start our own media company and end up trapping ourselves in an endless cycle of web content. This is... Astrogoblin.

  • S2025E07 Remaking ANOTHER Funhaus video

    • January 24, 2025

    Replaying this game is creating a lot of dysentery in the ranks, and it's been a real albacore around our necks.

  • S2025E08 Can these senile conservatives save YouTube?

    • January 27, 2025

    I looked up the description for The Italian Stallion, and apparently Sylvester Stallone "services" and entire group of women! No confirmation yet on whether or not Jon Voight or Mel Gibson could do the same, but we have our top people putting out some calls now

  • S2025E09 Cool wedding rings for insecure cops

    • January 31, 2025

    Newark: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the 1999 Chevrolet Suburban. It's six-season mission: to steal strange new Poke-man cards; to shave off new eyebrows and care for new ducks; to boldly put Feech La Manna back in prison.

  • S2025E10 What $100 gets you on TEMU

    • February 3, 2025

    The Chinese Legend of Winter Solstice dates back to the Eastern Han Dynasty. A renowned traditional Chinese physician saw the poor suffering from the chilblains on their ears, so he had special dumplings stuffed with herbs and other ingredients made for them to help expel the cold. Since the dumplings are shaped like ears, he named them “Jiaoer.” From that time on, the tradition of eating Jiaozi (meaning dumplings) on Dongzhi began.

  • S2025E11 How they broke our favorite game

    • February 7, 2025

    this game doesn't make no sense no more

  • S2025E12 We remade a whole movie with GIFs

    • February 10, 2025

    WILL SASSO if you are reading this we would love to sit down and discuss who will play you in the film. We will be at the Hollywood Chick-Fil-A from 6am - Close on Tuesday. Have your agent drop you off.

  • S2025E13 YouTube took this video down

    • February 16, 2025

    In an interview with James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cameron asked Arnold where he'd go if he could travel back in time and Arnold said that he would have gone back in time and turned down the role of Hercules in New York.

  • S2025E14 All games are woke DEI trash (apparently)

    • February 17, 2025

    Hey Tone, did you hear videogames are woke now? I was playing Kingdom Come Deliverance 2 with the Blundetto twins and it gave me the option to kiss another man. It totally ruined my immersion Tone, I'm gonna call up J.T. tomorrow and we're gonna write the first anti-woke videogame.

  • S2025E15 Is Charlotte allowed to say that?

    • February 21, 2025

    Astrogoblin is grateful to the generous contributions of the Not Bill Just Melinda Gates Association. With their help and the help of other generous benefactors we're able to find all new ways of expressing the absolute dumbest crap.

Additional Specials

  • SPECIAL 0x1 Welcome to the Comment 'Shop

    • May 24, 2024

    We read your comments while Charlotte creates art. Witness the raw creative process, ye patrons.

  • SPECIAL 0x2 Comment 'Shop Gone Wrong (FLASHING SCREEN WARNING)

    • May 29, 2024

    What we initially thought was lost footage ended up being much worse. The separate recordings of our webcam and screen recorded into the same video file, resulting in a horrifying chimera of visual sin. We have decided to share the results with you, sweet gobblers.

  • SPECIAL 0x3 The Comment 'Shop - Episode 3

    • June 5, 2024

    The Comment 'Shop is back, visually intact, and ready for whatever you freaks came up with for us.